My trip to Boston and a little Houston

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August 25, 2012
Houston TX

I write this from my hotel room in Houston, Texas. Last week I was in Boston, this week I am in Houston. Boston unlike Houston is a place where I could live. The differences between the two cities are enormous. Boston is people friendly, it is politically liberal, and it is a center of education and culture. I felt comfortable in Boston. Houston is not a city I would return to other than for work. It is a concrete jungle. I would not hesitate to return to Boston, even for personal reasons in winter if necessary. In fact, I’m just getting started seeing Boston. On the other hand, with just one trip I’m finished with Houston. The whole of Boston is rich in a history that I would like to experience more of. Boston has a transit system which, although old, is excellent. One could live there without a car. I was not even able to find the transit system in Houston. It is car culture on steroids. Surprisingly, the Museum of Fine Arts in Houston is every bit as good as Boston’s. In fact, its facilities and presentations are world-class. Oil will do this.

In Boston I took one of the open bus city tours, and it was excellent. An open bus tour in a new city is always a good idea. It seems that almost every street in Boston is filled with American revolutionary history. I wish I had more time to take pictures and walk the streets.

I did, however, get to spend a full day in the Boston Museum of Art and I squeezed a few hours at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. I would not actually call it a museum because of all the restrictions, it’s more like going into somebody’s home and looking at their art collection, and I think that is the point. It’s a very eccentric and frustrating place, but extremely beautiful and fulfilling at the same time. I’m sure it mirrors the character of its founder, Isabella Stewart, but it’s definitely worth the trip. While I was there I snapped this wonderful painting by John Singer Sargent. Isabella Gardner has been painted as the dancer. It’s an outstanding painting!

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Surviving Boston

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August 22, 2012
Boston Massachusetts
Surviving Boston

One of the great things about my position in life is that I get to go to faraway places and perform beautiful ceremonies for families. I do weddings. In this latest wedding my job took me to Boston Massachusetts, and since I’ve never been to Boston, it was a wonderful opportunity to tour the area and see the sights. I love to visit museums and gardens and churches, and other local sites. In this case my hosts had graciously agreed to provide me a hotel room for the extra days I wanted to spend in Boston. It sounded like a great opportunity so I agreed. Unfortunately the hotel was over 50 miles from the downtown. This saved a hotel expense but it also created a problem, how to get to downtown Boston and the other places I wanted to visit, and even how to eat. It has become apparent that when one travels in America without a car you make yourself dysfunctional, to the point that even food is a problem. Not all hotels have restaurants and outside restaurants are not always close to hotels. America is a car culture, so everything is built on the premise of being able to drive. On this trip I found myself without access to the downtown where I wanted to be or even to food. I was stuck in the boonies! I learned a hotel offer is not always a good thing.

My eventual solution was to rent a car that would allow me to drive to the nearest subway station, park, and take the train into downtown. But even with this solution I had a 30 minute drive to the subway station and then a one hour subway ride into the downtown. This meant I had to spend three hours a day commuting. It also meant I had to spend at least 4 hours figuring out where to get a rental car, having them pick me up, fill out the paperwork, and then drive back to my hotel before I could actually do any sightseeing. I also had to spend time figuring out how the transportation system worked in Boston, where the nearest subway was, how to buy tickets and how to travel in the system. It was a huge waste of time and I lost over half a day in precious touring time just figuring things out, not to mention the 10 hours I spent over three days riding the Boston subway system. In the future it would be better to just pay for my own hotel in the downtown area and then have the host pick me up when they wanted me for the wedding.

I did, however, learn a few tips along the way. A hotel room with a small refrigerator is a great boon. I also discovered the grocery store deli! In a deli one can buy a little of this, a little of that, prepared salads, fruits, pastas, a veritable cornucopia of food, and with a refrigerator one can keep these foods in the hotel room refrigerator! Then at the beginning of each day one can put together a little picnic to carry in a day bag and in this way not be dependent on restaurants, plus you get fresh food! It turned out to be a wonderful idea. In fact, on my first sojourn into Boston, on my return, I found myself becoming intimately acquainted with every Bostonian on the planet as I was jammed into a rush-hour subway car for over an hour. Finally, out of desperation, I squeezed out of my subway car at an open air station that looked inviting, found a quiet New England park bench, and proceeded to have a private picnic. My deli items turned out to be a great joy as I sat and watched a dozen subway trains chug by for the next hour. When the crowds had subsided I continued my journey refreshed. It was one of the grandest part of my trip, a fitting way to end the first day.

Curiosity

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The Sky Crane

August 6, 2012
Riverside CA

Last evening I stayed up and watched the rover, Curiosity, land on Mars. It was a spectacular feat of engineering to land this 1000 pound vehicle on a planet hundreds of thousands of kilometers away outside of all telemetry. I’m sure it will become a point of amazing history how this module was landed on the planet surface using the ‘sky-crain’ technique. I am fortunate to know a person who is directly involved in this project at JPL. I performed the wedding of his daughter a few months ago, so I was fortunate to be able to receive and send text messages from the floor of Mission Control in Pasadena as the landing was occurring. I felt part of the action last night. With all the struggles and fighting that takes place on this planet it is good to know that out there, somewhere, there is something bigger than ourselves going on. Space explanation embodies the best of our human species, and the name of this new Martian rover, Curiosity, says it all. If Curiosity can find evidence of even a single microbe of present or past Martian life it will be a discovery of monumental proportions. It will create a paradigm shift in human consciousness. We will know we are not alone. As I look at this photo can you imagine what may go through the mind of a Martian “tribal” if this contraption suddenly appeared in the sky. What kind of god had appeared?!

The Passing of Steve Jobs

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October 5, 2011

We got the sad news today, Steve jobs, founder of Apple, has passed away. He’d been ailing for a few years and was finally overcome. He was still young in relative terms, but apparently somebody wanted him elsewhere, so he was taken out of this world. Naturally I feel sad and full of loss, not because a ‘friend’ and an icon of my life has passed on, but because one of the drivers and visionaries of our age has left the whelm. Many of us feel alone now. Where do we go from here? In my mind there is little doubt we are living in a time of historic change, even of paradigm shift on the magnitude of the discovery of fire, or the creation of the wheel or the printing press. The fact that I am creating this note by speaking into a device with the dimensions of a sheet of paper that is wirelessly connected to a global network of computers through a satellite link is proof enough. I’m sitting in the middle of the California desert, many many kilometers from any population and yet my voice is thrown thousands of miles into space, turned into text, and returned to this device that I hold in my hand and read on a luminous screen. All this takes place at the speed of light. Such a transcription process is nothing less than stupendous! It is a magic to me, a person born before any of this was even imagined. I could even trade shares on the Tokyo stock exchange from this ‘sheet of paper’ from my desert home or any where else on this planet if I wished. This is the world in which we live and Steve Jobs was one of the drivers of this new reality.

Jobs did not create digital technology, but he did package it and make it available to the world in an easily digestible way. He always kept his company at the forefront of this revolution, driving it and directing it. History will be the true judge of Steve Jobs and his importance in shaping the changes that are taking place in the world today, but I think his contribution is significant.

Beauty has always been the hallmark of Jobs’s creations. The iPhone that I am holding in my hand, which has become the cornerstone of my life, is not only a functional device, it’s a piece of jewelry. Apple products have an elegance and class which makes them shine. Because of the aesthetic’s there is something intellectually satisfying in holding and using Apple products. I have friends who own cell phones, tablets and computers from competitors and even these products often function as well as Apples or even better, in few cases do they have the same aesthetic properties. Steve Jobs has brought design beauty and electronics together. Aesthetics are important to me and honestly I’d rather have a device that’s beautiful even though it may do slightly less than to have a product that simply works but has no beauty. Apple products in general cost more, but I’ve always been happy to pay more in order to get something superior. The design elegance and attention to detail that we see on in Jobs’s work have even spilled over into other companies. Steve Jobs has raised the bar in product design.

Psychological Damage

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5/4/12

I wonder how many suicides the average person gets to experience in a lifetime? How many people have you talked down from the ledge? I’ve had to deal with four so far. There was the astrologer in Canada whose panicking wife called me in the middle of the night screaming that her husband was preparing to hang himself in their barn; and yes, when I arrived he was climbing the barn beams with a noose around his neck. It took me the better part of four hours to get him to come down. I sat on the barn floor in the hay while he sat up in the rafters and told me his life story. This was all at 2 o’clock in the morning. Then there was our temple heating and air-conditioning man who was in the process of slicing his wrists as I broke down his front door and called 911. This man now services my heating and AC systems for free. I made a lifetime friend with this one. Next, there was the young doctor, the son of a prominent cardiologist, who planned to hang himself in his apartment. How can I ever forget how lovingly he brought me his perfectly tied blue and white noose and put it into my hands as he broke down and cried in my arms for a quarter of an hour. I had no idea how close he was to suicide, and I’d been working with him for six monthsI Ah yes, then there was the psychiatrist who had filled his belly with pills, changed his mind and then called me for help him. This was also at 2 in the morning. Why must these people always do these things at such ungodly hours? I hate being dragged out in the middle of the night. I immediately called 911. That gentleman spent a week in a coma before I could see him. And last, but not least, I must have performed the funeral for at least a dozen poor souls who in various ways had actually killed themselves, some in the most creative ways for which they must be given the highest marks for uniqueness and ingenuity. These were the successful suicides.

Ah, the things I have done in my life! And this is not to mention all the normal tragedies, the broken bodies I have seen taken off life support or the seemingly unlimited number of bodies I have bathed before a funeral, or the children I have buried or cremated. There is no end to misery that a priest sees. I wonder how much psychological damage has occurred in the course of my career so far?

Breathing in Kauai

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Breathing in Kauai
November 4, 2011

This morning I spent over two hours with the families preparing the details for tomorrow’s wedding. After that I drove a few places around the island. It’s beautiful beyond comparison, but I think the scenery is better on Maui. Personally, what I like best about this place is the air. It’s the water in New York City, here its the air. Every breath is soothing. Every breath is energizing. Every breath is full of vitality. Every breath is nectar. Tonight I went to the beach just to stand in the surf and breathe. I sleep with the patio doors open just to hear the surf and breathe the air. I relish every breath.

Driving around the island I am overwhelmed by the color green. Green is such a wonderful color! I forget this living in my brown brown desert world, but here everything is not just green, its emerald green, shimmering and full of life. My eyes soak this color in like its nectar. This place reminds me of Britain. The UK is also a green world. Today I saw some fields so green they reminded me of Stonehenge in the Salisbury Plain. This is an enchanting mystical world. I love being here.

Santa Anita

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January 6, 2012
Rimrock California

Yesterday I went to Santa Anita with my wife, which is a large racetrack in the Los Angeles area. A racetrack is not a place I would ordinarily visit, but there are parts of my life that need to be filled out, so gradually I am going through and visiting many places that perhaps seem out of character for me. A racetrack is one.

As a child I would go to the fall fairs that took place throughout eastern Ontario in Canada and watch horse racing, particularly harness racing with the sulky carts. It’s been years since I’ve seen this. Usually horse-racing is associated with gambling, but at these country fairs there was never any gambling. Here at Santa Anita, however, it is only about gambling! Regardless, I wanted to see and feel the track. It was an absolutely gorgeous day, 85 degrees, perfectly sunny and with no wind. And this was January no less.

Indirectly I have horses. My wife has them, and I even ride occasionally, so I am a little attuned to the horse world. And believe me there is such a thing as the horse world! Every weekend horsepeople from all over southern california come my desert town with their huge trucks and horse trailers. I see this world regularly. Racehorses look nothing like quarter horses. And the jockeys look nothing like me on a horse. I was stunned by how beautiful, how precise and how petite these horses and their jockeys are. Everything was tight and squeaky. It was actually exciting to see the pageantry, the dressed horses and their jockeys. A racetrack is a perfect place to take photos, so it was a blast to shoot the horses charging around the track and to hear the oohs and aahs of the crowd as the horses crossed the finish line. It’s hard for me to say just how good this track, I haven’t seen other race tracks, but certainly with the mountains in the background Santa Anita was spectacular. I can see why people would want to come here to kill an afternoon enjoying the sunshine and have a bit of fun. Gambling is a rush! In fact being at this track reminded me of being in Reno. I could feel that same sleaze factor. There is a criminal element here. It’s just in the air.

I came to this place as an observer and to take a few photos, but mostly the people were here to gamble and in their eyes you can see the look, the burning calculations and desire. There is a gambler’s look and I could see it. It was an experience to observe this part of life and I had fun. Would I come back again? Perhaps. I’d like to take some more photos. But I’d like to go to some other sporting events and try taking pictures there as well. Perhaps I will try American baseball and basketball as my next shooting opportunity.

A University Education should never be Wasted

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4/28/11
Dear Radhika,

A university education should never be wasted on a job.

When I heard that you had been selected for Berkeley and that you had elected to attend this school, I was delighted. Berkeley is a top school, not because some rating agency says so, but because of its diversity of classes, its location in the San Francisco Bay area and its strong traditions of questioning and challenging standard conventions of thought. The Bay Area pulses with energy. San Francisco is a truly world class city. It is on the cutting edge of innovation and new ideas, especially in the sciences, the high tech field and the humanities. The scenery is world class and it faces the pacific rim to receive all the ideas of the orient. You were not alive during the 1960s and 70s, but the Bay Area and this school in particular became the heart of a revolution of change in politics, social issues, art and music—some of it good, some of it not so good—that swept over the country and much of the world. Berkeley forged its reputation as a seat for non conventional thinking, which it has maintained ever since. The ideas emanating from the Bay area are still a powerful engine that drives change in this country. Berkeley is a university’s university.

Radhika, when I was your age I would lay in bed with the University of Toronto’s catalogue of courses in my hand and I would dream of all the different subjects I could study, subjects that one could never find in a high school. The University of Toronto is a unique place like Berkeley because it too was big enough to offer a huge diversity of subjects. It had classes in Egyptology including hieroglyphics. There was a center for Medieval Studies. It even included a huge Asian studies program with Mandarin and Cantonese Chinese, and a department of Sanskrit and Indian studies. One could learn Pali and even Tibetan at the University of Toronto. In other words, the University of Toronto was one of those world class schools where one could find training in just about any field of studies, even the most obscure. Berkeley is like that too. I remember telling myself to try something different. Take advantage of the huge array courses and study something that touches the heart, at least one course. Don’t just think in terms of getting a job. And, of course, you know a little of what path I chose.

I would like to see one of our children discover warp drive. And I mean this both literally and metaphorically. Warp drive as it was conceived in the mythology of Star Trek is a means of propulsion that allows a space ship to travel faster than the seed of light. It is pure science fiction, but I’m sure it’s waiting to be discovered. Someone should develop it and you, Radhika, with your mathematical genius combined with the nonconventional traditions of Berkeley could do this. But in a metaphoric sense, I ask you to reach out for the stars and attempt the seemingly impossible, push the limits of creative thought, “follow your bliss” and take full advantage of what a large and diverse school like Berkeley can offer.

But there are dangers that go along with an education coming from a school like Berkeley. I’ve often warned parents not to send their children to Berkeley for an undergraduate education. I advise them to wait until their children’s minds are more mature and less able to be influenced by the radicalism, distracted ideas and disillusionment that can also come from a school of this caliber. Simply put, Berkeley can be dangerous. How many suicides have occurred by students who have jumped from the main bell town in the center of that campus? These were young people unable to cope with the universe of ideas that enveloped them while at school. Usually we worry about our children leaving home for the first time becoming pulled off course by parties, sex, and “rock’n roll.” But at Berkley we worry that our children will become pulled away by political movements or social causes. Radhika, chaining oneself to the front doors of corporate America, demonstrating in the streets, or burning one’s draft card or bra in public is not the best way to effect change in the world. A better way is to take the reins of power through education. This is my concern. If you want to effect change in the world become a chief justice, a Nobel scientist, a secretary of state, a Pulitzer prize winner, become the best in your chosen field.

So, Radhika, you are about to attend one of the best schools in the world. It is located in a world class place and it has a reputation and history of pushing the limits of thought and experimenting with new intellectual ideas and values. My years in college were some of the best years of my life. I hope you enjoy yours. Remember why you are there. Don’t become disillusioned and don’t become pulled off course by the topical issues of the day.

Love Pita

On Going to War

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February 4, 2012
Riverside CA

These days the news is mostly about the Republican Party and the selection of its candidate for the upcoming presidential election. It seems that Mitt Romney will be the Republican candidate. However, there is a more serious matter brewing in the world these days, which is the relationship between Iran and the rest of the world. Iran is continuing to develop nuclear capabilities and the fear is she is weaponizing her nuclear program. There is talk that Israel will make a military strike against Iran in the next few months before the American election. Israel did a similar thing with Iraq years ago. I am beginning to get the same feeling that this country is building up for a war with Iran. It’s a similar feeling that we had before the Iraqi war.

At that time all we heard about was Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction, their anthrax program, their nuclear program, their long range missiles, and so on. The world had put together a fairly comprehensive program of sanctions and restrictions against Iraq. Their leader, Saddam Hussein, now dead, was for all intents and purposes completely hemmed in, yet still we attacked him. And look what happened. This country spent ten years embroiled in Iraq and spent untold billions of dollars rebuilding that country. Thousands of Americans and other coalition members were killed not to mention many more thousands of Iraqis. Just this year we finally left in Iraq and what will be the long-term effects? Will Iraq revert to its old ways? Will Iran, which is the dominant force in that region, eventually overcome Iraq and wipe out all of the good that was done? We simply don’t know. Only time will tell. But the real question is, was it worth it? This country has been near ruined financially. The world has headed into a terrible recession and America has been made much weaker as a result of its adventurism. And the whole thing was based on a miscalculation, and I dare say, a lie. There were no weapons of mass destruction.

Considering the billions of dollars, untold lives lost and the destruction of property, I do not feel it was worth it. Today we are facing a similar situation with Iran. America and Europe and other places in the world have successfully built a strong coalition of containment against Iran, which is continuing to grow. Yet we are hearing that Israel may take military action against Iran soon. Just how much America is behind this, we do not know. Will Israel act on its own or is Israel being used as a proxy by America to attack Iran. We do not know. Seeing the difference between George Bush and Barack Obama. I suspect America does not want a war with Iran. But there are things that go on behind the scenes we cannot see and cannot know. In the past, after Colin Powell made his presentation before the world at the United Nations, I supported military action against Iraq, but it turns out we were fed a list lies or at least colossal miscalculations. Sanctions should have continued. Saddam Hussein was contained and there should not have been a war against Iraq. This time I feel the same way about Iran. The policy should be one of containment and sanctions. This country is always so quick to go to war.

An attack by Israel against Iran will surely create retaliation from Iran against Israel and other interests in the Middle East. This will also create turmoil within this country. I’m sure there are hidden insurgents in this country. America will be forced into a war to protect Israel. I see no good in this. I also think it is inevitable that Iran will acquire nuclear weapons. If Pakistan and North Korea have done it Iran will also do it. Nuclear proliferation is a fact of modern life, and frankly, it will be a miracle if these things are not used at sometime in the future. I’m afraid the cat is already out of the bag and fighting extremely expensive wars to put the cat back into the bag is simply not viable. The best we can do with Iran at this time is containment and deterrents. But I am not sure Israel will allow this. They may indeed attack Iran even unilaterally, knowing that America, in the end, will come to their aid. The situation is extremely volatile and dangerous and while the republican news to select a candidate is minor in comparison, a republican presidency, I feel, would be more aggressive and hawkish and likely pull us into war with Iran. Since Obama’s presidency the Democrats have pulled us out of Iraq and now we are even leaving Afghanistan. This is good. Had the Republicans being in power we would still be in Iraq. A war with Iran would be another big mistake and another terrible lesson for America to learn.

Marriage, Between Cultures

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12/8/11

To my student,

I’m glad you had a good time over Thanksgiving with your parents, yet I’m not surprised you have received a letter from your father. I don’t know the details of your father’s letter, but I do have a sense of what he may have written. Your parents love you and they are concerned for you.

I did not grow up in an Indian family, but I do have a sense of what it means. Hindu society, even in its modern form, is different from American society. In Hindu society the family is everything and it overshadows the importance of the individual. In American society this equation tends to be reversed; individuality and self reliance are paramount. In Hindu society a wedding is as much the marriage of two families as it is between the bride and groom. In America a wedding is primarily the marriage of two individuals. This is not true in every case, but it is a general rule. For better or for worse you have been born in a Hindu family, yet you have also grown up in America, so both elements are within you. I understand your predicament, caught between two worlds. This is something I regularly point out to parents who come to me for help when faced with Indo-American children.

There is no easy solution to your predicament, yet here is the advice I give to my own children. It may help you as well. Whether one is American, Chinese, white or black, it is hard to be married, so you want to give yourself every possibility of long term success. You really do want the blessings of your parents and other family members. As far as possible marry within your own community. The farther you marry outside your birth community the harder it will be to maintain your marriage in the long run. This advice applies across the board regardless of whether one is Hindu, Christian, Western, White, African American or whatever. This does not mean a mixed marriage cannot work, it just makes what is already hard, even more difficult.

But I am an American father, which means my children know that I have no particular expectations of interacting with their in-laws. Their new family is not necessarily going to become part of my family. They understand I will not demand they marry within a certain family, culture or racial group. I will give them my advice and guidance, but in general I am not going to put any conditions on who they marry. They also know that they alone will take full responsibility for whom they marry. This, however, is not generally the case in a Hindu family. As I mentioned, in a Hindu family, when two individuals marry, two families also become united. This is what your parents have in mind, and whether they have told you or not, it is implicit within Hindu Culture. Your new family is to become part of their family, which means they have an important stake in who you marry. It is only natural they want greater control. I also point out that because of this the Hindu family support structure is much greater than it is in general American society. This is a great asset, but it also means less freedom to choose who you marry. The American way affords more freedom, but it gives less support. The individual, therefore, takes greater responsibly. The Hindu way is indeed different than the American way.

Regardless of whether one follows American or Hindu culture there is always a ripple effect of your actions. Like waves fanning out on a pond, however you decide to marry will affect the lives of others, your children, yourself, your parents, other family members, and society in general. An unstable marriage makes the waters choppy for everyone. In Hindu society the effects are greater because the family unit is bigger and more tightly knit. But even in American society the effects are there. Marriage is a great responsibility.

Go ahead and date whoever you wish. I would feel no obligation to tell anyone, but when it comes to marriage consider very very carefully who you are, where you come from, who you are marrying, and where that other person comes from. Don’t be overly blinded by love. That you come from an Indian family is an inescapable reality. In fact it can be your greatest strength. I do not know what your father has written do you. I am sure it is filled with great emotion. But regardless, your father is speaking with all the love of any father. He is concerned for your welfare and the welfare of your greater family. That is the Hindu way. He is also speaking from the perspective of a large part of who you are. Yet the problem young people have, and particularly a young bride and groom in love, is that they cannot know who they are until they have had children. Children change everything! Even though you are born and raised in America, you will only know how Hindu and how Indian you still are after you have had children. I’m sorry to tell you this, but once you have children you will become more and more like your parents. Yes I feel you shuttering. The same applies to your spouse. If he is Jewish or Latino or African American it will magnify a hundred fold when there are children. Children not only add tremendous financial pressure to any marriage, they reach deep down inside of you and magnify who you are. It is almost scary what happens when children become part of the equation.

So please consider my words carefully, but take them as advice only. You are an adult. Your parents have equipped you with all the tools of education and good judgement. Always know that I will accept and support you however you choose to live your life. I am your friend.

The Priest