House Arrives

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Friday, March 25, 2005 10:03:00 PM

Today was a very special day. Our house arrived in the desert. It came in two sections, the first one arrived at 4 AM and the second one at 7 AM. The first section was supposed to come at 6 AM, so I was not expecting it so early. I just happened to wake up and go outside to take a pee. LOL Way in the distance I could see two yellow lights flashing. This must have been 10 kms away. One light was moving back and forth like it was lost and looking for something and the other light just remained stationary. I watched this for a few minutes when it occurred to me that this may be the pilot car and the tractor for my house. So I ran and got a flash light, jumped up on a picnic table and began flashing the light trying to signal them to move this way. It worked! They started to move in the right direction, but seemed to get lost again so I ran out to the road and began flashing from that direction. Again it worked and I was able to signal them in. In just a few minutes a huge 75 foot tractor and house rolled down the road in front of me. I thought there is no way this house is going to fit on my house pad even in the daylight, what to speak of in the dark! The driver pulled his rig up in front of me stepped out of his cab walked to where I wanted the house. He told me to stand with the flash light at the back left corner where I wanted the house and then went back and drove his rig to the exact spot where I wanted the house in one up and back motion! I was astounded that he could do this in the dark. What an expert! It did not take this driver more than five minutes to disconnect his tractor from my house and he was off to get the next piece of house. On this day I had to go to Apple Valley, a city over a 100 kms away to bless a new building for a doctor so I was worried that I would not see the second piece of house arrive. As luck would have it the second piece arrived just at 7AM as I was about to leave. This time it was daylight and again this driver drove in like nothing and was able to move the front piece of the house right beside the back piece. A perfect match! My house was in place.

Anna, I have been preparing for this moment for six years. I bought this property with the hope that one day I could see a house here. The land cost was $16,000. I did not know how I would do it, but one way or another, each year I took a small step towards my goal. The first job was to grade a road onto the property. I had a circle drive graded, a road in and a road out. This cost me a thousand dollars. The next job was to arrange for electrical and telephone. The cost was $3500. Then the next year I had a well drilled and I built a well shed. I had to borrow $15,000 for this operation. The next step was to create a house pad so I had a bull dozer grade the land. That happened in two steps, a little one year and a little more the next year. I spent $10,000 on this phase. Then I built my parking shades for $1500.

 Finally today I was able to have the house placed here. This cost $117,000. It has taken a lot of careful planning and research and money. I would never have thought that a house could be built in a factory a 160 kms away and then just driven to my site. This day I was amazed to see just how easy it was. Now the real work begins. In a day or two the house will be mated together and raised up high in piers. A foundation will be built and then the house will be lowered onto its new permanent foundation. Then stucco will have to be applied to the outside walls, the utilities, water, electricity, gas and internet have to be connected and finally large porches running the entire length of the building on the east and west will be built. Floors and carpeting need to installed inside. Stone counter tops for the kitchen, the bathrooms and the shower must be built. So much is still to be done. But what a feeling of success and satisfaction to see this house arrive on this day!

Guru

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There is a common hymn sung in many Hindu temple that goes as follows: guru brahma guru vishnu, guru devo maheshvara, guru sakshat param brahma, tasmai shri guruve namaha. Most people have no understanding of these words, but in essence they praise guru as being on par with God. Strictly speaking the word guru simply means “heavy”; a guru is a person “heavy” in knowledge. In other words, a guru is a teacher, plain and simple. Unfortunately, modern Hinduism has made guru into something much different than a teacher. I call this modern guru the capital “G” guru. By equating guru with God the knowledge giving aspect of guru–the guru as teacher–has been replaced by the Guru as a divine being. Unfortunately, people want a Guru, who is possessed of divine power, instead of the one who is possessed of knowledge. No longer does the guru have to teach and no longer does the student have to learn. Just with the raise of the hand, with a simple smile, or by the touch of the feet, the Guru delivers blessings. But blessings of what? Certainly not knowledge. People now accept the facade of the guru instead of the substance of the guru, the shadow instead of the reality. Such a change in the role of the guru has become one of the most destructive forces within Hinduism today. It is the debasement of the tradition.

Dallas was a watershed period in my life. Not only was it a time of marriage; it was a time of Guru. From those days, my life was permanently changed. I received my initiation from A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada on June 18, 1975 while I was visiting the Dallas temple. In those days most initiation ceremonies where conducted through the mail. The local temple president would recommend the disciple in a letter and then in a reply Prabhupada would accept the candidate by sending a spiritual name. A ceremony was then preformed by the local temple president or some other senior devotee. It was during this ceremony that the new spiritual name was formally given. But my initiation was different. Prabhupada was personally present, which made the occasion very special. As I write these lines I vividly remember how exciting that day was to actually see Prabhupada. This was indeed a rare occasion! Devotees came from all over North America to see Prabhupada in the Dallas temple for this ceremony. All the men freshly shaved their heads and put on new robes. The ladies put on their most colorful saris. It was a most festive time.

Anna, it is difficult to describe how exciting it was to see Prabhupada as he arrived in the Dallas temple on the day of initiation! I had seen him years before in West Virginia at New Vrindavan, but only from a distance. Now here I was about to meet Prabhupada personally. With all the celebrity I expected to meet a very big man, instead I was stunned to see how tiny Prabhupada actually was. He wore saffron robes and sat in a raised throne that completely enveloped him, yet Prabhupada had power! When he sang you cried! When he spoke, his words pierced your heart. His glance looked directly into your soul. You could have no secrets in the presence of Prabhupada. Indeed, if ever anyone had divine Guru power, Prabhupada was that one. And as he sat on this huge raised seat he explained how the guru is to be treated with the same respect as God because he is the representative of God. In those day I was completely satisfied with this explaination, but now having seen the logical extension of such a practice I am no longer satisfied. In those days, however, I needed a capital “G” guru who would tell me what to do and so that is exactly what I got. As I recall there were fifty initiates who came from all over the southern United States for this ceremony, plus hundreds of other devotees who had come just to have a rare sight of their Guru, Prabhupada. All the men who were to receive initiation appeared with shaven heads. All except one that is, me. I was going back to university and so I did not want to shave my head. In later years, however, I used to keep my head shaven, but on this occasion I had special permission from the temple president, Jagadish whom I had known in Toronto, to not have a shaven head. Had it not been for Jagadisha I would have left the movement years before. He always created the space for me that I needed. Jagadisha was my benefactor and I have great respect for him today even though he has left. I remember walking down the aisle toward Prabhupada in the presence of all the devotees. I bowed before him and when I got up he asked me to recite the four regulative principles. I did and then he handed me a string of chanting beads and said, “Chant sixteen rounds of maha-mantra everyday. Your name is Shukavak Dasa.” From that moment I became a disciple and the person called Shukavak was born.

The power and charisma of Prabhupada was awesome. Prabhupada had come to America in 1966 at the request of his Guru who had asked him to “Go to the western countries and teach the message of Krishna Consciousness.” So at the grand age of 70 Prabhupada boarded a freighter ship bound for New York from Calcutta. He had virtually no money and during the long ocean voyage he suffered two heart attacks! Somehow he managed to survive and eventually arrived at Elis Island in New York where millions of immigrants had previously arrived. The story of Prabhupada in America is an inspiring story of courage and determination. Prabhupada indeed was a remarkable person. In essence the mission of Prabhupada started in a most humble way. He established his first temple in a small storefront in the streets of New York and daily he chanted alone in the parks and streets of New York. One by one the youth of America began to come and hear his message. As more people came he initiated them and asked them to go to other cities and open a temple and begin chanting in the streets. In this way I first came to know of Krishna Consciousness when the devotees came to Toronto and opened a temple, city by city, temple by temple, a world wide movement gradually developed.

All images taken from: http://www.prabhupada.de/sppic/sp_fotos.htm

The Way of Tyranny

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There is a raging controversy in this country over the life of a middle aged woman named Terri Schiavo. Mrs. Schiavo has been lying in a vegetative state for the past 15 years, but recently her husband won the legal right to have life support withdrawn in order to comply with her wish to die naturally. The case has been contested by the girl’s parents and now both sides are fighting in the courts. As tragic as this case is, ordinarily I would never bother to comment. However, the Terri Schiavo situation has evolved into something more than just a personal family tragedy. A dangerous precedent has been set and so I feel a need to comment.

Until recently the Terri Schiavo case has been relegated to the State of Florida’s judicial system. Repeatedly the courts have ruled that her husband could have life support withdrawn. It seemed that all legal options had been exhausted for the parents when the governor of the State of Florida, Jeb Bush, decided to intervene. Jeb Bush is the younger brother of the President, George W. Bush. So on the weekend of March 19th Jeb Bush asked his bother to call the United States congress into an emergency session! Within a few hours a resolution was passed allowing the US Supreme Court to intervene in the Terri Schiavo case and on Sunday President Bush signed this new bill into law. In other words, the United States government created a single law just for this case! Fortunately, the United States judicial system still did not change its decision in spite of tremendous political pressure.

At present the Republican Party headed by George W. Bush is the political party in power. In the last generation this party has come to be dominated by “born again” evangelical Christianity, which is a form of religious fundamentalism. Even the president himself is a self proclaimed “born again” Christian. You may recall that I have described this mode of religious expression before; it involves a literal interpretation of scripture and an aggressive preaching spirit. Fundamentalism is not unique to Christianity. There are also Islamic, Jewish and Hindu forms of religious fundamentalism and when they mix with politics they always gravitate to the right side of the political spectrum. I have described Krishna Consciousness as one form of Hindu fundamentalism. So I have direct experience with fundamentalism. I know its power; I know its dangers, and so when I see the United States congress acting under the influence of Christian fundamentalism, I shutter.

Anna, the constitution of this country specifically divides the powers of government into three distinct areas. This was wisely done by the nation’s founders so that the totality of governmental power would never reside solely in one place. This division of governmental power created a system of checks on the powers of government. What occurred last week, however, was religious fundamentalism using the executive branch of government to pressure the legislative branch to intrude into the judicial system. This was a clear misuse of governmental power. Fortunately, the judicial system did not bend to this intrusion of power; the system of checks worked. But the very fact that it occurred alarms me.

I did not vote for George Bush or the Republican Party, but a lot of people did. For sure, most of the evangelicals in this county voted for George W. Bush, but still this was not nearly enough to put the republicans in power. This means that a lot of non evangelicals also voted for Bush, and they did so because of his strong stance on national defense and the war on terrorism. I even considered voting republican for this reason! But I think what happened last week in the Schiavo case was a clear example of the dangers of allowing a minority of ideologically driven political leaders to have power. The vast majority of people in this country are moderate in their political views, but under the fear of terrorism, they allowed the political right to have power. And herein lies the danger: these religious ideologues tried to use governmental power to interfere in individual and family rights. They took us one step down a dangerous path. Thank God, the judiciary saved us! I only hope enough people saw what almost happen to make it certain that the Republicans will not be reelected in the next election. Fundamentalism has shown its true colors. It is the way of tyranny.

 

*Image source: http://ilookchina.net/2010/06/10/speaking-english-means-waging-war/


 

How I Married Kama Nagari and Other Acts of Mars

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In the eyes of the Dallas temple Kama Nagari and I were married on the day that the notice appeared on the community board. May 25th, 1975 comes to mind. Later we bought a car and drove to Miami where we were legally married, but this is another story. Anna, I pride myself for being endowed with intelligence and rational decision making, so I must question why would I ask someone to marry me after only two weeks? What does this say about me? There was certainly nothing rational in such an act.

When I arrived in Dallas during the spring of 1975 I was 22 and completely green to the world. I had never dated a girl; I was a virgin. In spite of the 1960s this was not unusual for someone growing up in Canada at that time. All my immediate friends were also green to the world. When we got together to play cards we would certainly talk and laugh and joke about girls, but none of us had ever had a girl friend, even by age 18. In fact, we did not even drink or smoke! There was a short period around age 16 when my friend, Paul, my cousin Kenny and I experimented with marijuana and alcohol, but this lasted only a few months. We were a clean group.

Anna, there exists a demon called the “should” demon who stalks all young men. This demon is the voice of parents, it is the voice of society, and it is the voice of the universe. It is also the voice of mediocrity. A young man should go to school, he should study a practical subject, he should a take a normal job, he should marry a regular girl, and he should have an average number of children. He should, he should, he should. But I have rarely listened to this “should” demon. Instead, I have my own demon, the demon of obstinacy who constantly whispers in my ear, “do what your heart desires and to hell with the world.” And as a result I live in another country cut off from my roots, and I have made my life much harder than it may otherwise have been. On the other hand, there is nothing mediocre about my life. I do things that I could never have imagined. I have become an author. I am a pioneer of Hinduism in the West. I have 9 children. I have built a school system. I have built a business, and I sit at the table with some wealthy and influential people.

I exist driven by two extremes. One, the rash and impulsive, and the other, the steady and the conservative. Mars and the sun in Aries is my rash and impulsive side, while the moon and Jupiter in Taurus is my steady and conservative side. These two extremes battle each other and give me endless suffering. Only in recent years have I started to learn how to manage these two sides. I try to blend them to complement each other. In those days it was impossible for me to control these forces. So when I asked Kama Nagari to marry me this was my rash and impulsive side taking charge. It is with my moon and Jupiter side that I make things work once I have jumped up to my neck into an impossible situation.

From another perspective, the only way to meet a girl in the Hare Krishna movement was to marry her! This was the ISKCON way in those days, so I can easily blame the extreme ascetic practices of Krishna Consciousness for my rash and impulsive behavor. But I hardly think it is fair to solely blame Krishna Consciousness. After all, I had access to many girls at the university. No one was keeping me in the temple. The door was there and I could have walked out at any time. So I choose to blame the planets instead! The fact is there is something in my own personality that demands: When the “light” comes on, when the heart says “yes,” no matter how impractical, I act. Kama Nagari was one such light that came on. Similarly, choosing to study Sanskrit, becoming involved with ISKCON, and even today, my involvement with the Hindu community, are other examples of actions that I have undertaken after the light has come on. No matter what the practicality, when the light comes on, when my heart says “act,” I act. This is how I came to marry Kama Nagari. I have no regrets.

Image taken from: http://www.ratemyscreensaver.com/space/mysterious-mars/

 

Things You Should Never Do

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Here are some things you should never do: ask a girl to marry you after only two weeks, buy a car and spend all of your money to drive 2500 kilometers across the country to meet her family, get married in an office building, drive 2500 kilometers back across the country in time to appear in court for her divorce and then bring her home unannounced to your mother. Welcome to my insane world! The year is 1975 and for the next eleven years it would be the most bizarre, reckless and yet the most spiritual period of my life. It was the time of Rahu.

The next day on the morning japa walk I found Kama Nagari walking alone without friends, and so I “japa-ed” up beside her and said,”Hari Bol. “My name is Bhakta Brian and I am from Canada. I just got here yesterday.”
“Yes, I saw you in mangal arti and then again from my window taking out the garbage last night,” she replied.
I had been helping in the kitchen so I was drafted as God’s official trash man.
“What do you do?” I asked.
“I work with the Gurukula in the graphics department.”
“What is your name?” I inquired.
She answered, “Kama Nagari.”
“Ah! nice name,” but I thought to myself, ” ‘City of lust’, what kind of a name is that”?
“I am pleased to meet you, see you later. Hari bol.” And I japa-ed on ahead.

Wow, she was nice! And she had even watched me from her window take out the trash. The next morning I again met up with Kama Nagari during japa time on the street behind the temple.

“Hi, Kama Nagari.” I said. How are you doing”?
“Great, thank you, and how are you Bhakta Brian”?
“I am fine,” was my answer. And then seemingly out of nowhere came, “I was wondering, would you like to get married?”
“Sure, I would like that very much,” she said.
“When would you like to set the date,” I asked.
“I think we have to first talk with Jagadish, the temple president.”
“Oh, ok.”
“Let’s try to see him today. I will set it up,” she answered.
“Good, talk to you later,” and again I japa-ed away.

Immediately a sharp voice came from the left side of my head, “What did you just do?”
The right side sheepishly answered, “I am not sure.”
“Did I hear you ask this girl to marry you?!!!”
“Yes, I think so.” My heart was pounding out of my chest!
“Did she say yes?”
“Yes, I think so.” I was in a cold sweat.
“You should be drunk at least then it would make sense. Now what are you going to I do?
“I don’t know.”
“Are you mad”?
“Yes, I think so.”

Like a freight train speeding at a 1000 kilometers an hour, this dialogue ran through my head. I had hardly talked to a girl and here I was proposing after only two days. Actually, I think it was my second week in Dallas. It is hard to remember. Life was a blur, but it certainly felt like my second day. I had arrived in Dallas and had spent the first two weeks just going to the morning program and working on the garbage detail in the kitchen. I was more acquainted with the garbage dumpster than with Kama Nagari. I had spent 8 hours each day hauling trash and breaking up boxes. And now I was to marry a girl that I had known for two days?

Later that afternoon Kama Nagari and I sat alone in Jagadish’s office waiting for him. This was the first time we had ever been alone. She looked at me and I looked at her. We both had big dumb grins on our faces. Then Jagadish entered the room. Looking down at me he said, “So I hear you want to marry this girl. Don’t you think it is a little premature, you are not even initiated?”
“No, I think we will make a good team. I will get initiated as soon as you permit it,” was my inane response. “I have thought this over in detail,” I added. As he walked out the door he said, “Ok, you can get married. I will put a notice on the board, but you must get initiated.”

The next day a notice appeared on the community board that read, “Bhakta Brian marries Kama Nagari Devi Dasi.” It was done. In the eyes of the temple community we were married. I was in for the roller coaster ride of my life and I deserved every inch of that ride.

 

My First Sight of Kama Nagari

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 The sun did not rise in Dallas until much later than I was accustomed to in Toronto. This meant that the morning japa (chanting) time did not occur until after 7:30 AM and so the daily scripture class was held immediately after Managal Arati. This afforded me the opportunity to study my newly discovered love during the class. The morning Bhagavatam class is a feature of every ISKCON temple throughout the world. The class lasts for an hour and depending on the speaker it can be incredibly enlivening or mind numbingly boring. Mostly it was boring, but on this day it was incredibly enlivening to me. My heart was pounding. Who was this woman? She wore a mauve colored sari made of simple broadcloth and purple tinted large glasses. I was captivated. All through the class

she quietly sat and sewed as she listened. This particular class was about the great sage Vishvamitra, whose spiritual austerities were ruined by maya in the form of the heavenly courtesan, Menaka. The king of the Gods, Indra, had enlisted the help of Menaka to distract Vishvamitra from his vow of celibacy and thus ruin his spiritual life. And it worked, the sweet tinkling of Menaka’s ankles bells was enough to bring the sage down. Ah, what a time for a story like that! I could not help myself from glancing across the room to catch a glimpse of my Menaka. I hoped she did not catch me peeking. I did not want her to think that she had the power of maya over me. In the japa period that followed she walked outside with a group of other women to greet the rising sun. They walked around the temple as they chanted. So I followed along with a group of male devotees, only my mind was not on the japa. I was hearing the tinkling sound of ankle bells. Later in the day I inquired about this girl and I was told that she worked in the graphics department of the school, that she was married, but was in the process of a divorce. I was also warned that she was considered particularly lusty. So I wondered, “Should I try to meet this maya?” I had never been tempted by such feelings before. I felt confused and ashamed.

Within ISKCON meeting members of the opposite sex was always forbidden. There was no such a thing as dating. Every temple was run by a Temple President whose job it was to protect the celibate men from the allures of the female devotees. Some presidents assumed this task with particular relish. At times classes were given that described sex as just “two urinals rubbing together.” Women were described as less intelligent and nine times lustier than men! That was hard to imagine for me. A woman was fire and a man in the presence of a woman was butter. Woman were prostitutes just waiting to milk a man dry. When you had sex you lost some of your brain power. Sex was for one thing only, making babies. So if you wanted to meet a girl you had to marry her! Marry her? I just wanted to know her name. And so if you approached the Temple President with a particular girl in mind he would likely lecture you about the evils of womanhood and try to scare the hell out of you. If that did not work then in the end you would be asked to marry her and still remain celibate, which, of course, was a prescription for disaster. In the early days of Krishna consciousness this was the environment in which I had to meet my Menaka.

* Image take from: http://hindu-beliefs.blogspot.com/2011/03/hindu-mythologymenaka.html

Image sources: http://downloadableembroiderydesigns.blogspot.com/2009_06_01_archive.html

http://londonlime.deviantart.com/art/Kathak-Ankle-Bells-21010362

The Dawn of Faith

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“It’s faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth living.”*

I grew up in Canada as the oldest of two sons. My brother John is three and a half years younger. Considering that I became a Hare Krishna, a Sanskritist, an expatriate, a Hindu priest and had nine children, I consider him “normal.” John is a businessman and lives with his wife and three daughters within 200 kilometers of our place of birth. It is a pity that I never knew my brother as we grew up. We were not friends and we did not play together. In my mind he was just some person who lived in the same house as me. The three and half years between us put us in different worlds. Consequently, I consider myself an only child. Only in recent years have we discovered each other. With the passing of time he has become more like me and I have become more like him. He is more philosophical and I am more outgoing than we each were when growing up. So now we meet on common ground and talk as friends. I enjoy his company.

I felt awkward as a child. I was quiet and introverted and always uncomfortable with people. I would spend hours alone reading and studying. Even at 10 I tried to teach myself French and German by listening to language records. I also read philosophy and religion at this early age. Looking back I do not think Friedrich Nietzsche or The Book of Job was healthy reading for one so young. Too serious, too young. I felt mismatched and out of place with my family and society. Only in later years when I came into contact with Hindu culture have I found a place in society. But even still I am not wholly comfortable with people. What a strange thing for the public person that I have become? I still feel awkward.

I grew up Christian. In Canada the particular denomination was called Anglican and in the United States it is called Episcopal. My father was not a religious man. I think he tolerated religion. He hardly spoke about faith and the few things I do remember him saying was how religion was just a cause of fighting in the world. In those days the fighting between the protestants and catholics in Northern Ireland held the attention of the world. He objected to people who wore their religion on their shirt sleeve, as he put it. I can not disagree. Perhaps his difficult childhood and his time spent in World War II shaped his opinions about religion. Instead my father was a humanist. For him it was not necessary to appear in church in order to be a good human being. My mother, on the other hand, was the source of the religion in our family. She was not a pious woman by any means, but she did make sure that my brother and I made it to church at least a few times each month. In my mother’s estimation church was a necessary part of any child’s upbringing. So my father went along.

As a child my faith was strong, but my feelings about church were mixed. On the one hand, I found it horribly boring and irrelevant. On the other, I loved to sit alone under the cathedral ceilings and study the stained glass and feel the power of the architecture. Architecture inspires me. In those days, I found God within the walls of the building. I used to “talk” with God while I laid in bed at night. By this I mean that I had found a certain “place” within my heart where I could enter into divine presence. I would go there often. I still have that place today and it sustains me.

My biggest problem with church religion was the notion that only Christians could find salvation. I wondered what kind of a God only listened to the prayers of Christians. Why would God not hear the prayers of Jews, Buddhist, and Hindus? Such intolerance towards other religious faiths deeply affected me. Gradually I decided that Christianity was not my religion, but I had nothing to replace it with. This was a hard decision to make because it placed me within the realm of the heathen. Better to have become an atheist and profess no faith, than to leave myself open to another faith.

I vividly recall asking my mother if Hindus and Buddhists had “bibles.” She said yes, but could not tell me what they were. I remember browsing through the local library and finding a book on yoga. In those days I knew nothing about yoga. In fact, there is no India or Hinduism in my upbringing. I did not even have a Hindu friend, but the moment I touched this book on yoga something “clicked” in my mind. I borrowed the book and began to practice yoga and meditation. My journey into the depths of Hindu spirituality had begun.

By age 14 I began high school and I remember asking the librarian for the “Hindu Bible.” She gave me a Bhagavad Gita. I was immediately entranced by the Sanskrit script. Right then and there I decided that I would learn Sanskrit and read the Gita in the original language when I reached university. This idea became the driving force behind my education from that point on.

By reading the Gita I learned that Hinduism accepted other religions. This solved my first problem. No one religion had exclusive rights to God. God did indeed hear the prayers of non Christians. By this time I had stopped attending Church. I now allowed my natural religious nature to be fueled by the Gita instead of the Bible. During these years the fighting in the Middle East between Muslims and Jews overshadowed the fighting in Northern Ireland between Catholics and Protestants. Again my father made the point that religion caused more human suffering than it was worth. He had no respect for religion at that time. I felt bad about this because I agreed with him, but at the same time, I had a strong faith. I was confused and so I would read the Gita searching for answers. Unfortunately, there was no one to talk with. I had no guide. I was alone in my search.

 *Oliver Wendell Holmes

Photograph by Malati Marvin 2011

Radhika’s Question: A Flash of Lightning

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Dear Radhika,

Now to answer your question: Do I believe in God? From the perspective of my beliefs the answer is simple: I have no idea if there is a God. Certainly science has not proven or disproved the existence of any kind of a divine being, let alone God. And so from this rational perspective the verdict is still out and I do not expect it to come in anytime soon. I think agnosticism is the only rational position. Now, from the perspective of my faith, I must admit that I do have, and always have had, a faith that demands that I accept the existence of some kind of higher power, call it God if you wish. I have no control over this faith. Even as a child I have had this faith and as an adult this faith has not waned. So I have to admit that I do accept the existence of God, although I do not place any qualification on what that God may be: male, female, neuter or something else.

Radhika, in the ten years since the completion of my doctoral work I have shifted my studies away from theology and into the field of science and mathematics. I have done this because I felt that my education has been unbalanced in favor of the humanities. I have been particularly interested in the fields of astral physics and quantum mechanics. So far I have found nothing in the scientific field that conflicts with my faith, in fact if anything, I find that my faith has been nourished by my study of science. I am utterly astounded by the order and beauty of the physical world both on the level of the macrocosm and the microcosm. To me such beauty suggests the existence of some kind of divine order behind this physical world. Could this be God?

Of all the religious writings that I have read, I am most inspired by the Upanishads. And of all the verses in the Upanishads that I have read, there is one verse that most captures the essence of my religious perspective. It is a simple, but profound statement: “The flash of lightning that causes one to blink and say, “Ah!” that Ah is the Divinity.” (yad etad vidyuto vyadyutad a3 itinnyamimisad a3 ity adhidaivatam). In other words, this verse teaches that God can be found in one’s own sense of wonder and awe at the world. The sense of wonder one gets looking at something as ordinary as a snow flake, a flower, a sunset or even a beautiful woman is an experience of Divinity. And I will take this idea one step further, the sense of repulsion that one gets in watching destruction, evil and death is also an experience of the Divine.

And so I reply to you, Radhika: When you have grasped the understanding of this simple, but sublime teaching, the presence of Divinity will become so apparent that you will not feel the need to even ask such a question, unless of course, what you are really asking is whether I believe in the existence of a sky God, to which I respond, “I gave up my belief in a sky God a long time ago.”

 

Image Source: http://www.macwallpapers.in/wallpaper/Lightning/

Radhika’s Question: The Sky God

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“Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters.”*

My youngest daughter, Radhika, recently asked me if I believed in God. As she raised this question, she was quick to assert, with a note of defiance, that she did not herself believe in God. I was assailed by this question as we passed each other in the hallway to the bathroom. In our house a question of this magnitude is likely to be raised from any hallway, and Radhika, being the philosopher daughter, is the one most likely to make this kind of challenge.

Dear Radhika,

You would think that my answer would be obvious, after all I am a priest. Or perhaps the question need not be posed at all for the same reason. I felt surprised by the question. Did I believe in God? Why would anyone ask this? Honestly, I had not thought about the matter in years. Such a question had become irrelevant to me. There was a time, years ago, when a question of this type was a make or break issue for me. Did Jesus exist as a real person? Was mother Mary really a virgin? Was Krishna a historical person? Did the sages (rishis) of ancient India really “hear” the Vedas? Was the Bhagavatam really 5000 years old? I even once wrote to one of my teachers asking a whole slew of these kinds of questions. What I believed was directly related to my faith, but then, somewhere along my religious path, the need to believe ceased to be relevant.

Radhika’s question is premised by the notion that believing is what religious people do, which is probably true in most cases. But I consider the single most important accomplishment of my religious development has been the elimination of believing as a religious category. I can honestly say that my religious life is no longer dependent on what I believe. Faith and belief are now separate categories. And what a release this has been!

 

*Isaac Bashevis Singer, New York Times, December 3, 1978

Image Source: http://newsone.com/nation/associated-press/man-tells-police-god-told-him-to-walk-the-streets-naked/

Radhika’s Question: Faith and Belief

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“The religion that is afraid of science dishonors God and commits suicide.”*

Dear Radhika,

Here is simple example of what I mean by the separation of faith and belief. In philosophy it is not what a philosopher believes that makes him or her a philosopher, but rather the individual’s faith in philosophy, out of which the beliefs, the particular philosophies, are produced. The same can be said about science. A person is a scientist because of his or her faith in science, in the scientific method, and not because of his or hers belief in the particular theorems, which unquestionably come and go.

And so it is in the religious field. At the heart of religion is an inner faith in “something more” and out of that faith gradually springs a cumulative religious tradition, which includes the beliefs, the rituals, the architecture, the music, the kind of dress, the food and so on. This cumulative religious tradition is the physical manifestation of the inner faith of the collective members of the religion. However, for religious people who experience faith in terms of their belief systems, considering faith and belief to be virtually the same thing, this presents a major problem. To change one’s belief system is to tinker with the foundations of religious faith itself. When traditional beliefs become challenged these people are thrown into a crisis of faith. When European astronomers in the 15th century, for example, began to understand that the earth was not at the center of the solar system, the Roman Church, which had built its religious view on the assumption that the earth was at the center of the universe, objected and condemned such ideas as blasphemy. Of course you know the history of Copernicus and Galileo in this regard.

It may be hard to believe, but a similar thing is going on in this country amongst religious conservatives who still can not accept the principles of evolution. Their faith is directly challenged by the overwhelming amount of data that is coming in from science. So they try to refute these ideas which in turn forces them to assume many anti intellectual positions. If their faith, however, was not directly tied to their beliefs then they could afford to examine the data and change their beliefs accordingly without disturbing their basic faith.

When the person of religious faith becomes aware of the distinction between faith and belief, fully understanding that beliefs are a part of the cumulative (and changing) religious tradition, that person is able to relax intellectually and spiritually, so to speak, and take a critical look as his religious tradition from a perspective that is not tied to vested intellectual and emotional interests. In other words, religious faith becomes insulated from the changes that may occur in the belief system as a result of new data.

My separation of faith and belief does not mean that I do not have religious beliefs. I have many beliefs, but because my faith is not tied to my belief system I have no need to hold onto those beliefs that no longer correspond to logical analysis.

* Ralph Waldo Emerson

Image Source: http://www.religiousintelligence.org/churchnewspaper/eos/the-evolution-sceptics/