My Mother of Paris

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30 September, 2005

Notre Dame of Paris was the shock of my life. Paris these days is a secular city, to say the least, and so I expected Notre Dame to be dead like Sainte Chapelle. But the minute I entered this treasure I was greeted by a religious mass. The sounds of the huge pipe organ and Latin chanting entered my ears. Naty, I can not tell you the feelings that over took me. Never since my first days in the Toronto Hare Krishna temple have I felt such feelings of devotion. I broke down and cried. Fortunately it was raining hard outside and everyone was wet, no one could tell that my wetness was from tears and not rain. I had to find a seat. I could no longer stand. I sat for an hour weeping. Naty, I am sure this is all strange to you, but it is just like when I touched the stone in Chartre’s Cathedral. I feel things. Sainte Chapelle left me emotionless, but Notre Dame overwhelmed me. She is a living mother of devotion like Chartres.

As I walked to the Metro in the rain I continued to weep in the rain. It was like I was been baptized. Even this late in the evening, many hours later, I am still overwhelmed by Notre Dame. As jaded on religion as I have become, seeing what I see with people, I am amazed to find that I can still have these feelings. As I walk in the streets of Paris no one knows who I am or what I do. There is no role playing. I can do what I want, eat what I want, go where I want and feel what I want. You have no idea what a relief this is. It is such a joy to become invisible and just be a simple person. I was wondering if I still had even a drop of faith left within my soul, or had everything been wrenched out by the constant drain of a congregation. I have been over taken by cynicism, the great enemy of the priesthood. I have been much too long without renewal. In America my spiritual insides have be ripped out and spread upon the earth for everyone to see and walk on. I thought nothing was left, but now I know that this is not true. I have not lost my faith, there is a tiny spark still smoldering deep within and Notre Dame of Paris, my Mother of Paris, has found it, re-ignited that flame, held me and kissed me.

 

*Image Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/tudorache/70836503/

The Louvre

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Friday, September 30, 2005

The Louvre is about beauty and history. Lots of it! I spent just half a day there. I could spend a year and not see it all. In order to appreciate what the Louvre has to offer, you must study in advance. Read everything you can about what you want to see and then go and see it. Looking at things in books is great, but seeing these things for real is a whole other thing. The Louvre is a monster of reality. Years ago I took some fine arts classes and here I was finally seeing the things that I studied including Chartres. What a delight.

In fact let us not even talk about the collections I saw. Let us just talk about being at the

Louvre. I have never been amongst such a huge assemblage of world’s people. Every nationality you can imagine is represented. (Except of course, Indians, Canadians, New Zealanders and Russians.) It is exciting to be with so many diverse people who are all there with the same intention to appreciate wealth, artistic and historic wealth. I felt honored to be with such people.

In summary I went through only four general collections, Italian Renaissance paintings, classical Greek sculpture, Italian sculpture and Egyptian hieroglyphics. Unfortunately, they do not allow photos to be taken in the Louvre. I saw lot of people doing it, but when I tried I was scolded by a custodian, so sadly, no photos. When I say “went through” I sadly mean literally brisk walking. There is no way to really look at things in the Louvre unless you have studied in advance and know what to look at. For me my looking was very very broad except for the few pieced that I remember studying in school. But regardless, my visit to the Louvre was outstanding. I will certainly return.

Some general conclusions that I draw from the being at the Louvre and in Paris in general. Art is important. This is something I have learned just by being in Paris, but at the Louvre you are confronted with so much of it all at once. Unfortunately America is a desert in terms of art. Part of this is due to its history and geography. It is just a very young place and has had no time to develop and collect much art. But more than this the extreme form of capitalism that exists in America is not conducive to the cultivation and preservation of the arts. In general this is something that governments or in the past, royalty, must do. Art is a state enterprise. To put is succinctly France gets art, America get bill boards. It is that simple. This is the price of so much capitalism.

Being in the Louvre and walking past painting after painting and sculpture after sculpture is an incredible experience. I am like a parched man who has been thirsty for so long that it feels normal. But being here and seeing so much of it so fast is overwhelming. I became like a madman dancing in the hallways of the Louvre soaking it in. I have become drunk on see all of this. Never do I want to go back to living without art again. Art is life. In a previous writing installment I spoke of roots. The Louvre certainly makes it clear what the roots of Western culture is. It is Greece and Christianity and it is obvious that the majesty Christian art is totally grounded in Greek architecture and sculpture. The pyramid dome is actually the main entrance. It is wonderful once you get under it. I suppose it is like the Eiffel tower, which was not well appreciated when it was first built. In a strange way is seems to fit in with the rest of Paris.

Hurricane Rita

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Thursday, September 22, 2005 7:48:18 PM

It is hard to believe, but another huge storm is baring down in the gulf region of this country, the same area as the last one in New Orleans. This time the main target seems to be Houston which is 500 kms west of New Orleans. The whole city of Houston and the surrounding area is being evacuated as I write. We are talking about millions of people! Houston is much larger than New Orleans. You should see the television images of the highways. This time we are not going to see the looting and rioting that took place in New Orleans. The army is out in force this time and every one has been ordered to leave. Between New Orleans and Houston this is the main oil production and refining area for North America. All production and refining has stopped and the prices have already started to rise. I even heard some discussion in the media that these storms are terrorist’s attacks, that Al Qaida has learned to use weather as a weapon. I doubt we are going to see the kind of damage from this one that we saw in New Orleans because Houston is not below sea level, but still the impact will be significant. I think the oil industry may be hit badly. The storm is due to hit land in about 30 hours. I will let you know.

*Image Source: news.nationalgeographic.com

The Wrath of God

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There is a famous story from the Bible about two cities called Sodom and Gomorrah (vide: Genesis chp. 19) The essence of the story is that these two cities where destroyed by God because of excessive sinful behavior practiced by members of these cities. The common understanding is that homosexuality, bestiality and adultery were at the root of the problem. Consequently “…the Lord rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah… Thus He overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities –and also the vegetation in the land.” (Genesis 19:24, 25 NIV)

Thus I was not surprised to read that many fundamentalist Christians in this country are saying that New Orleans was destroyed by God for the same reason. Due to Mardi Gra, New Orleans is popularly known to be one of American’s “sin cities.” Another city is San Francisco. They also said that the recent tsunami that destroyed much of the far east was also due to the predominance of immoral sexual practices occurring in these regions. I was also not surprised to read a statement from Al Qaeda stating that the recent hurricane that destroyed New Orleans was “the wrath of the All-powerful … upon the nation of oppressors. Their dead are in the thousands and their losses are in the billions,” “Katrina was sent by God to torment the American empire.” However, I was surprised to hear our temple secretary saying the same thing about New Orleans, “Ah, it is about time, Mardi Gra and all the sins of that city finally caught up with it. It finally reaped the result of all of its bad karma. San Francisco is next. An earthquake will cause it to fall into the sea.”

Views such this are reactive to me because during my ISKCON days I was bombarded with similar views-that somehow there is a relation between human activities and the climate of the land. Deserts are the result of sin and so on. I find such religious views immoral and repugnant. Irrespective of the cause, whether it be natural, the result of global warming or sinful human behavior, the destruction of New Orleans is a major economic blow to this country and to the world in general. New Orleans was a city of about a million people, not a particularly large city, but it was the largest port in this country. You might think that either Los Angeles or New York might be this country’s largest port, but no it was New Orleans. What people fail to realize is that New Orleans sits on the delta of the Mississippi River and the Mississippi is one of the economic arteries of this country. The agricultural and manufacturing heartland of America is served by the Mississippi River as a major transportation corridor.

When the hurricane destroyed New Orleans the real devastation was not the loss of the port, but the loss of its population. Ports can be rebuilt, but ports must be run by people and people need houses to live in and all the support services that go along with this, such as schools, hospitals, stores, and so on. All this is gone and it will take years to rebuild. Thus a major economic artery for America has been cut. As a result almost everything America imports and exports will now cost more. Gas prices have already risen to historic levels within this country, and even in Europe petrol has increased by 20 or 25 per cent. Soon food, clothing, cars and most other manufactured products will cost more. And these costs have nothing to do with the monumental cost of rebuilding New Orleans and its surrounding are, The cost of this storm is astronomical and will affect the world economy for years. Had Al Qaeda planned it, a better target to damage the economic power of America could not have been selected. It seems nature indeed has done the work of global terrorism. Is this the wrath of God? Of course a huge earthquake recently occurred in the mountain area of Pakistan. Tens of thousands of people were killed and hundreds of thousands more were made homeless. I wonder what kind unspeakable moral crimes were being performed by these simple Muslim villagers to cause such a devastating earthquake? Is this also the wrath of God?

 

 

Image Sources: http://www.doubletruckmagazine.com/issues/dt_005/pages/page_34.shtml, http://www.katrinadestruction.com/images/v/houston_astrodome/14460w.jpg.html

http://www.flickr.com/photos/akao/117505880/

Hurricane Katrina

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Wednesday, August, 31, 2005 9 p.m

The following is a transcription made of my reaction to the destruction of New Orleans: I am driving to the desert from Riverside and I stop at a coffee shop and look at a newspaper. I see the front page of the Press Enterprise and the front page of New York Times. Both papers show graphic images of the absolute devastation of New Orleans and gulf coastlines of MIssissippi, Alabama, Louisiana. The devastation is unbelievable. This region including the state of Florida regularly gets hit by hurricanes, most small, some medium and a few big. The larger ones usually cause flooding and destroy a few trailler parks. Sometimes even substantial damage occurs, but what has taken place here is beyond anything that we have ever seen before. This is not just a local disaster, it is a major catastrophy for the country.

Most hurricanes have an eye that is 16-20 km wide, so they create a swath of devastation up to 160 kms wide. But Katrina had an eye 350 km wide and cut a swath 800 km wide! The eye of the hurricane didn’t even directly hit New Orleans. It came ashore about 100 kms to the east. Along the coastline whole towns have been lost. The ocean surge that hit New Orleans was 8 meters high! That is a huge wall of water to hit a city! The city of New Oreans is below sea level to begin with. It was not built that way, but over time the ground around the city has raised due to silt deposits while the city was eroded and sunk down. So now New Orleans is a few meters below sea level. Consequently, it is protected by a network of dams that are called levies. Hurricane Katrina has broken some of these levies and now the water is rising quickly throughout the city. At present the city is submerged in 7 meters of water. People are having to retreat to their attics and roofs just to keep from drowning.

The mayor of New Orleans is saying “Abandon the ship, get out of town.” So the whole city of New Orleans is being evacuated. This devastation that we have seen in this area is bigger than anything I can even imagine. All the television, all the radio, all the newspapers are about the destruction of New Orleans, but it’s way more than that. Cities all along the coast are gone. It is like the tsunami that went through the far east and killed hundreds of thousands.

When the World Trade Towers came down in New York I stood and watched in utter disbelief. I just could not believe what I was seeing. To witness so much devastation, so much destruction; I just sat with a sense of awe. “Is this happening? Is it real?” This is the same feeling I get watching the destruction of New Orleans. Imagine a city of millions being destroyed and abandoned. It is going to cost billions and take years to rebuild this region of the country. The loss here is staggering.

Tonight the pictures in the media show unbelievable amounts of looting and raping and beatings in the streets. People are going crazy, stealing things, taking televisions and computers, jewerly, just random theft is going on right now. Tonight the national guard is going to go in and stop it. They will likely shoot people to get it under control.

When a hurricane is going to come ashore there is time to evacuate. So we saw televisions images of hundreds and thousands of cars filled with people leaving the city. All the wealthy people and the middle class people got out. Mostly whites. So the pictures we see are of the people left behind, who could not get out, were not intelligent to get out or did not have the resources to get out. So what’s left behind is basically the low end of the population. And what we see on the television are images of blacks. But I am not suppose to say this. Now the whole thing is going to hell and it’s unbelievable to see all this looting going on.

Toronto

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On August 28, 1975 Kama Nagari and I arrived in Toronto from Dallas, Texas. My school started on September 5. We had just $800 to our name, no place to live and no job. In addition, I had been disowned by my parents. “Ok, buddy boy, if this is the way you are going to get married, do it, but don’t expect any help from us.” That was the attitude of my parents and I agreed with them. Anna, do you have any idea how hard it is to find an apartment in downtown Toronto six days before school starts and with no credit history or references? It is next to impossible! But we had one tiny ace card to play. Kama Nagari was Jewish. I swear to God, we arrived in Toronto around 11 AM and we had an apartment by 1 PM! Almost every landlord in Toronto was Jewish and so with a little hutzpah from KN we were in like flin. I was starting to like this Jewish thing. In later years we used it many times to get something accomplished. The apartment would not be ready until the day before school so we arranged to stay with Tony and Margret, Brahmidevi’s son and girlfriend. We were on our way to establishing ourselves. Krishna provides!

The Birth of a Child

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I have been the father of ten children and I have never been present for the birth of a single one. Now that does not mean that I have been remote or callus. I have been there for my wives, but I have simply never had the desire to watch a birth. I am squeamish! It is not likely, but if I have another one I will watch this time. As a priest, now that I have watched death, I want to watch life. Death is fascinating, so I am now curious to see birth.

My first son Vrindavan was born on May 25, 1976. This was Kama Nagari’s first child and her labor lasted 36 hours! I remember taking her to the hospital in downtown Toronto. I expected that the whole thing would be over in a few hours. I was not going to watch, but I did plan to stay in the waiting room. However, after the hours dragged on, I thought, “This is absurd, I have to go to school in the morning.” So I went home asking the nurses to call me an hour before the birth so that I could come. That whole night passed and all the following day with no birth. I called the hospital every few hours.

“She is making progress. Don’t worry, we will call you.”

Finally, I received the call around 8:30 PM that evening, “Come, the birth is imminent.” Well, I never made it for the birth, the subway was delayed, but I distinctly remember thinking that the birth was occurring while I was in the Spadina subway station. I even know the time. I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news of Kennedy’s assassination, the first lunar landing, the fall of the World Trade Tower and the birth of Vrindavan. When I arrived at the hospital I remember seeing him for the first time. This is supposed to be a magical moment and I know a lot is made of one’s first child, but my reaction to all the kids has always been rather blase. “Ok, good, let’s go home.” I have never been one to be emotional about the birth of a child.

Happiness in a New Home

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Thursday, August 18, 2005 9:52:09 AM

There are few things that I know in this world, but one thing is this: Life is like a spring, you can hold it back for some time, but in the end it will expand. And so when it comes to human needs and desires you can repress them for a while, even years, but in the end, they will come to the surface.  Kama Nagari, Sukulina, Haridham and myself have been explorers of the human heart. We have pushed ourselves to the limit. We have lived without material goods, we have denied our human needs and minimized every one of our desires; and we have learned, that to a point and at a certain time in life, there is value in living a life of simplicity and austerity. However, we have also learned that there can be no happiness unless the basic human needs are met and the desires of the heart have been addressed.

In the past I have been cruel to my family, I have brutalized them by forcing them to live a life of austerity at a time when neither of us had the right to do so. My story will show this. So building a home and giving everyone a chance to live a comfortable life is compensation for our life of denial. In the context of American standards it is respectable and appropriate and not beyond our means. I have been careful not over compensate and be excessive.

Whether everyone will be happy in their new life is another matter. It was been my duty as a provider to address the needs of those within my charge in a reasonable and balanced way and I have done so. But we know that happiness does not come from material things and that everyone must take responsibility for their own happiness. Now it is their responsibility to create their own happiness

Our First Apartment

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Here is a brief description of my first apartment. You may relate to this. The apartment that Kama Nagari and I rented on the first day we arrived in Toronto was located on Walker Avenue. It was on the 5th floor of a 30 story building within walking distance of the University of Toronto.

It was just a one room apartment. They call this a studio. It had one large room about the 6 meters square and off to one end was a kitchen, a very small kitchen. As you came in the door from the elevators out in the hall you could turn left into this large room or right into a small bathroom. On the ground floor was a community laundry. The apartment was north facing and had a long balcony across the front. Anna, Toronto is a very cold city with a long winter and when that north wind blew it was cold. Down stairs in the basement we had one parking space. In total with the parking space we paid $575 each month. This was in 1975 and I bet that apartment today will cost over $1500 per month. In those days $575 was a huge amount for one room, just like $1500 is today, but for us it became our home, our first home. Everyday we would walk to the university together. I would go to my classes and Kama Nagari would go to the Engineering library. Sometimes we would meet for lunch. This was a good time for us, we were young and in love.

The Quiet Manager

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Saturday, August 13, 2005 10:05:55 PM

Growing up in Canada I was the shyest, most mild, nondescript child imaginable. But destiny has a way of unfolding in ways that no one can foresee. Who could imagine that I would grow up to be a religious leader and a public figure? As a child I did not appear to have any leadership qualities. I would always fall into the background and let others take the lead. I was happy to follow. As the years went by, however, I began to show a

A shy boy, circa 1959

competency in practical things. I had common sense and so I could get things done when others could not. Gradually, I came to be seen as a silent force, the kid who could be counted on to make good decisions. I was shocked to find that people would follow when I took the lead. I found myself in charge at sporting events, school projects and amongst friends. I even became the captain of a hockey team. However, whenever there was someone else who wanted to lead I would happily let that person take charge. I still do this today. I have to be forced to stand up in public, and even though I appear to be extremely competent, I dislike being in public. I still have my shy and reclusive nature.

Anna, I have never had many friends and I have never belonged to a large social group. In general I am a silent person. The friendships that I do keep are always very close and intense. My first friend was Gordie Caswell. This relationship lasted between the years of 5 and 12 years and it would have continued had Gordie not moved away with his family. Then there was Paul Hoffman. Paul and I were extremely close between the ages of 12 and 18. This relationship unfortunately ended when I joined the Hare Krishna movement. Later Paul went to a scuba diving school in Florida. He wanted to work on oil rigs. Today I have no idea where either of these friends are. My closest friendship today is with Haridham, whom I have known for the past 23 years. Haridham and I met in New Vrindavan, a Hare Krishna farm community in West Virginia. This was always been the way with me, one long term and close relationship at a time with just a few associates in the distance.

Here are two examples of my “quiet control” nature at work. In 1982 I arrived in New Vrindavan. It is an interesting story how I came to be there, but I will save that for later. New Vrindavan is a rural community run by the Hare Krishna Movement in the hill country of West Virginia. About 800 devotees lived at this place at the time. When I arrived, Bhaktipada, the spiritual leader of the community of whom I will have a lot to say later, immediately

Children at a New Vrindavan school

asked me to take charge of the community’s schools, called gurukulas. (Gurukulaliterally means “the house of the guru.”) At the time there was a nursery school with about a 100 children, an elementary school with 150 students and a secondary school for the older students ages 14 to 18. There was only about 50 students in this group. In total I had responsibility for 300 students and a staff of 50. All children above the age of 5 lived at the school away from their parents. It was a boarding school, so not only was I in charge of the academic side of things, I also had responsibility for the boarding side of the school. This was a huge responsibility, and looking back at this now I shutter at the awesome responsibility I assumed. Even though Bhaktipad, the community’s spiritual head retained final control of everything in the school, I had responsibility for the safety and welfare of 350 human beings with only meager resources. For all intents and purposes New Vrindavan was a backward third world country and a communist state. I will speak of New Vrindavan in detail later.

You cannot imagine a more difficult place to raise and educate children. When I arrived, New Vrindavan’s school system was a disaster. The conditions were unsanitary. In addition to all the usual childhood diseases I had to deal with staph infections, hepatitis, dysentery and even typhoid! And this was America? There were no classrooms, no text books, no trained teachers, and the children had to sleep directly on the floor in cold rooms. Medical care was totally marginal. The situation was third rate and dangerous. On the positive side, there was a core of dedicated, but untrained teachers who were willing to do anything to make the situation better. Both Haridham and Sukulina were part of this core group and my heart goes out to this group of pioneers for their dedication. Without their help I could not have improved the school to the extent that I did. Anna, this will sound like I am blowing my own horn, but by the time I left New Vrindanan, six years later, all divisions of the school had brand new classrooms, dormitories, text books and even a school secretary. There was a training program for the teachers, which included academic, psychological, medical. and nutritional training. I was even able to arrange for the school to receive State accreditation and funding. This school had struggled for a decade before I arrived and it was just waiting for someone with skill and determination to pull it from the bring of disaster. I was that person and I had to use every ounce of my administrative muscle. This is an example of my controlling nature unleashed.

Here is another example. In 1988 I arrived in Fullerton, California, to take over the development of a small Hindu community. If New Vrindavan was a third world communist state, Fullerton was a first world capitalist state! I found myself in a completely different world. There had been a man named Haripada (not Haridhama) who had started this small temple. Haripad had struggled for ten years to build up a congregation of mostly of Indian members, but he could not get it to grow beyond a certain point. He was frustrated and wanted to move away, but before he just packed his bags and left in the middle of the night he called me to see if I would be willing to take over. After some thought I agreed, and so Sukulina and I moved our family of six children into a tiny three bedroom rented house on a very very busy and loud street. I decided that I would give this a try for one year and if I could not get this congregation to grow and buy a property I would leave. I had never before worked with an Indian congregation. I knew nothing of their culture, but I was willing to learn. I will write of these experiences later, but for now, let me say that within nine months this congregation exploded in size and bought their own property. It seemed to happen over night. All that was needed was some good determined management. The group was waiting to take off and so I became the catalyst to facilitate the growth. Moving this community from the brink of collapse almost killed me and it took more than every ounce of my controlling nature to accomplish, but I was successful. I am proud to say that this temple still exists today. I am no longer the priest, but this temple community has blossomed into a vibrant community.

What I have done over the years is to take my hidden administrative talents and channel them a positive way. But believe me, the way I manage now is much different than the way I did in earlier years. In the beginning I got my way in an autocratic manner. I was never a bully or anything like that, but compared to the way I am now, I was crude. Through a lot of experience, mistakes and education–believe me, I have been to the school of hard knocks–I have learned to adopt a cooperative management approach. I now delegate as much as I can and I give authority to those I delegate to. This is my style of quiet management.

 

*Image Source: http://www2.hanover.edu/newvrindavan/school.html