My Journey

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This week I made two new posts. After posting these installments I felt uncomfortable. Am I publishing information that is too personal? I am making myself naked before the world? In the past I have written only academic and technical writings, now I am doing something completely new. When I was a teenager I always kept a diary, which I still have today, but for various reasons, I have not been able to keep going. Now I am doing what I have wanted to do for years; I am filling out the details of that diary.

I have more than one reason for making these pages available. First, by writing these installment I am forced to reflect on my life and in so doing I allow myself to come to terms with important events of my life. This is therapy. Second, I am making myself available to my family. I have a large family, but because of my work I am not available to them as much as I should. When they are at home I am away; when I am home they are away. These writing instalments are my way of offering myself to my family and allowing them to know who I am and to show them their roots. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, I want these pages show the course of a spiritual journey. I want to give my readers a personal view of my spiritual struggle. I view my life as a spiritual journey through time and hopefully I can leave a few “markers” or guide posts along the way.

Rasa Theory

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In the matter of aesthetics, rasa theory, Sanskrit has a precise vocabulary. The various “tastes” have been analyzed and named in great detail. Sometimes the word rasa is translated as mellow or mood, but I will primarily translate the word as taste. The taste that arises between married lovers is called svakiya shringara.Svakiya means “relating to oneself”. Svakiya love is considered to be one of the best tastes. But higher still isparakiya shringara, love outside of marriage. Parakiya means “relating to another.” This is what I call “left handed love.” The illicit nature and dangers involved in this kind of love gives it an even higher taste thansvakiya love. The relationship that a girl may have with her boyfriend generates a certain kind of taste. It is close to svakiya. These kinds of tastes all fall within the realm of shringara-rasa, conjugal love.

When your parents held you in their arms as a child they felt a great taste. This is a kind of taste known asvatsalya-rasa, the parental taste. Vatsalya is considered very high, but less than shringara-rasa. The feelings of affection and love you have with your girlfriends is called sakhya-rasa. English does not have a good word to describe this kind of taste other than to say “friendship taste.” The relationship between a loyal employee and a boss, between a master and a servant, or even between an owner and a dog generates another kind of “love taste” called dasya-rasa, servitude taste respectively. Even the feeling of awe a person receives when seeing a beautiful sunset or moonrise creates a kind of aesthetic taste that is called shanta-rasa. This is the peaceful mood. The word peaceful in English does not truly capture the meaning, but think you can get the idea. So far I have described five primary tastes or rasas: conjugal love, family affection, friendship, servitude and the peaceful mood.

But the tastes one can receive in life are more than just these five, and not all of the tastes are positive. Comedy is another taste. People like to laugh and joke. This is hasya-rasa, the comic taste. When the world trade towers were attacked in New York and they came crashing down a certain kind of mellow or taste was created, ghastliness or horror might be the right word. In Sanskrit this kind of taste is called bibatsa. When we saw the images of the parents crying over their dead children from the school in Russia another certain kind of taste was created, karuna. This is called compassion and sympathy. When lovers fight and their relationship degrades into separation and anger a certain kind of taste arises, separation and anger. In this way all of life is based on experiencing or tasting various flavors, some good and some not so good. Even an alcoholic who feels the pain of his life and so tries to obliterate this pain with alcohol is tasting a certain kind of rasa, emptiness. Aesthetics is at the root of all sentient life.

These rasas can also be mixed. Lovers may feel shringara as well as friendship and even anger (krodha) at different times in their relationship. When a child moves out of the home the parental taste becomes mixed with feelings of separation, viraha. Friendship is often mixed with the comic mood. In literature a writer must know how to combine these various tastes in order to create a great work of art. The more expert the writer is the better he can combine these tastes to create a good overall taste. This also applies to painting and drama. Shakespeare was an expert connoisseur of taste!

In Sanskrit literature this information about rasa comes from a work called Bharata-natyam, which is a manual for drama and dance! The theory of aesthetics that was developed for drama and dance has been incorporated into the Kama-shastra, the art of love. You have, of course heard of the Kama-sutra. The Kama-sutra is just a small part of the Kama-shastra literature. There is an excellent movie called the Kama Sutra, A Tale of Love directed by Mira Nair. In that movie the teacher of love is named Rasa Devi. If you can, please watch this movie. You will understand why Rasa Devi is called rasa devi. She is very wise. And you will also understand why in ancient India a woman who has the knowledge of rasa was so revered. Each relationship is unique. Can you see how to use this understanding in order to heighten or control a relationship and how to create a certain kind of taste? All the movies that we watch and all the novels that we read are also governed by Rasa Theory. There is indeed great power in understanding Rasa Theory.

But there is more to Rasa Theory than we have discussed. In another installment I will tell you more. Knowledge of rasa is a great art indeed. It touches the sap of life!

 

Image taken from: http://neuronarrative.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/delving-deep-into-human-emotion/

The Misfit

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Anna, during a recent trip into Mexico to perform a wedding, I found myself at a posh resort hotel with a 150 people who were there exclusively to enjoy. I was there to work, they were there to party. On the first evening I saw these people huddled around an open bar by the beach drinking, dancing and listening to loud music. I wondered what I was doing there. I don’t drink, I don’t dance and I don’t sit around bars listening to loud music. So I felt out of place and even a little annoyed at myself for agreeing to be there.

But then I realized that there is an interesting feature of Hindu society that I could take solace in. First, I was not expected to participate in this group. Everyone knew I was there as the priest and no one was expecting the priest to participate in the fun. Priests are allowed and even expected to be non participatory. In fact I will go further and say that priests are social misfits and that Hindu society allows for this. I think this is the case even in Western society. So as all this party life was swirling around me, I ate some food and then went to my room to write and rest. No one missed me and I was happy.

Fear

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The most fearful thing is to live without fear. It is out of fear that we willingly place ourselves under the power of others. It is out of fear that we relinquish our natural rights, and it is out of fear that we surrender our hopes and dreams.

I believe that fear was at the basis of my decision to join ISKCON. As a youth I asked the perennial questions: What is this world? How am I? How would I live? An organization such as ISKCON came along not only with the answers to the deep questions of life, but also a structured plan for how to live. “Here are your friends, the devotees. Stay away from bad people, the non-devotees. Here is food, here is shelter, here is your wife, and here is how you will raise your children.” Everything was provided and the motto was simple: Chant Hare Krishna and be happy. All I had to do was surrender to “God” and guru. The formula was seductive in its simplicity and it echoed the youthful idealism of Walden, “Simple living and high thinking.” So in the name of spirituality and devotion, the loftiest of goals, I allowed myself to be taken over. Looking back on this, I know that fear was at the root of my “surrender”. In fact, it was not surrender to God at all, it was avoidance of personal responsibility and it was done out of fear.

My particular experience with fear was not unique. It just appeared unique because it involved a religious “cult,” but many people, especially in youth, or in other vulnerable times of their lives, willingly place themselves under control. Some do it in political movements, some do it with secular ideologies, some do it in the military, and others do it in personal relationships. Out of fear we bind ourself in different ways. I simply did it in a religious context.

But my fall into submission was not all bad. I learned many things and I came out stronger. I learned about the nature of freedom and personal responsibility and I learned that I was not happy living under domination. The exchange of personal control for security was not worth it. I learned about the indomitability of the human spirit. There is no happiness without freedom.

During my devotional career there were a few watershed moments of utter rebellion, times when I said to hell with my fears, and I took a few steps out of the box. One such moment occurred at the Los Angeles Hare Krishna community. I recall needing a battery for my car, so I asked for extra money, but I was told that devotees did not need cars and that I should sell my car and give the money to Krishna. At that moment I realized just how far I had gone in my loss of personal control and I decided to leave the community and return to school. Like a chick in the egg this was my first “peck” at the shell that enveloped my world. But I did so with fear and guilt. It had been hammered into my head that I could not be a devotee outside of the community and that I had no existence outside of my society of devotees. I pained over and over what to do, whether to sell my car and submit, or to leave the community. In the end I thought, “If this was what it meant to be a devotee then I did not want be a devotee.” I would return to Canada and go to school even if it meant the loss of my spirituality. This was a defining moment that took tremendous courage because outside of the community I had no income, no friends and no help other than my parents. Looking back now it seems incredible. I lived this way? The interesting thing, however, is that when I finally did leave I did not lose my spirituality or my connection to God. In fact it grew. Through this experience I learned more about myself, especially about my fears.

There is a saying, “If you really want to grow, get married, start your own business and have children.” I did all three, in spades! When I got married I had no absolutely no experience with women and I certainly had no experience in business, and to make matters even worse my guru had told me never to use contraception, and in those days I was an obedient disciple. Any one of these things, I could probably handle, but together these were my undoing. Once I had left ISKCON in Los Angeles and returned to school in Canada I was on my own. I had no support from my spiritual home; I was in for the ride of my life. Fear ruled my life!

I swear biology is the most awesome and force in the universe. Did you know that before the advent of the birth control pill, 50% of all marriages in this country were the result of an unplanned pregnancy! “Doing the right thing” used to be the rule and not the exception. Having our first child, Vrindavan, even though he arrived almost nine months to the day after marriage, was not a problem. This was expected. I could handle the first child, even if it was a little quick. And then Shesha, our second child, born 16 months later was also not a too much of a problem. As a good “protestant” I was raised with the two child rule, and even though the two children were a little close together, I could live with it. But without contraception this was just the start; I had used up my children quota within the first two and a half years of marriage. Lactation is a poor substitute for contraception and so after that each successive child was a further descent into an abyss of fear. I can remember Kama Nagari and I walking in a mall in Belleville Canada with Shesha in a stroller, Vrindavan walking beside me and one in more in the “oven,” and both Shesha and Vrindavan were still in diapers. Today, I laugh at the thought of this, but at the time I was looking at fear personified. Eventually I even came to have a hatred of my guru for making such a cruel demand on his disciple, no contraception, not even rhythm was allowed. The result, of course, was ten children!

While I would never ask any disciple to follow such a practice, I can say that for me at least the result has been positive. I have nine great children and I am wealthy, but you can only imagine my despair as my burden increased: three children, four children, five children, six children… . It was indescribable, but there comes a moment in desperation, a point of total hopelessness, where you are so crushed that you either die and fade away or somehow reach within and find strengths that you never knew existed and you become revitalized. I died and was reborn, and not only did I survive, I have prospered. In my hopelessness and despair I moved beyond fear. The Brian died and the Shukavak was born. I learned that I have resources within that I would never otherwise have known and no longer am I possessed by the fears that once owned me. It has been a gradual process, but my whole attitude toward life, wealth and happiness has been changing in the last fifteen years. The fear that I once had to look people in the face and smile is gone. The fear that I once had to taste life is gone. The fear to say I love you is gone. The dichotomy that I once perceived between the world and spirituality has evaporated. I no longer fear for my spiritual life. I no longer fear to live without fear.

A Priest is Not a Man

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At a recent temple board meeting one of our members made an interesting statement. This was during a discussion on the priest’s role in different temple meetings, some of which are held exclusively amongst ladies.

This member said, “A priest is not a man. He can sit with the ladies for their meetings.”

“A priest is not a man?” I asked him. “Come talk to my wife about this.”

“Well you know what I mean. A priest is above all that,” he told me.

“Above all what?” I asked.

“You know, material things. A priest has no material needs. Right?” I just looked at him.

“Do you think my wife and nine children would allow me to come to work at this temple if I did not get paid?” The conversation ended at this point.

Anna, I find this member’s comments to be telling because they reflect many people’s view of religion and spirituality. They assume that religion and spirituality are necessarily separated from the world and therefore that religious and spiritual people are not of this world. Hence the conclusion that a priest has no material needs or a priest is neutered.

But what does it mean to be religious? What does it mean to be spiritual? Are the two the same? In my answer to Radhika’s question (see Outlook, Radhika’s Question) I have defined religion as a combination of two components, faith and a resultant cumulative tradition. By faith I mean a feeling of trust that there is more to life than what simply meets the eye, that there is meaning and order and ultimately some kind of controlling force to life. By cumulative tradition I mean the sacred texts, the beliefs, the architecture, the art, the music, the dietary laws, the social system, the dress codes, and everything else that results from the collective faith of those who adhere to this form of faith. A religious person, therefore, is a person of faith who has committed himself to live within the bounds of a particular cumulative religious tradition. A person who is merely spiritual is also a person of faith, but at the same time is a person who is not committed to a particular cumulative religious tradition. We could perhaps call such a person a “freelance” truth seeker. A religious person is also a truth seeker, but with the difference that this person is committed to the truth of a particular religious tradition. A person who is merely spiritual claims allegiance to no cumulative religious tradition and therefore may randomly pick and choose various practices and beliefs from the world’s cumulative religious traditions, something from Buddhism, something from Islam, something from Hinduism, something from Christianity, and so on. This happens a lot in modern culture as many people reject traditional religions. Personally I do not recommend such an approach for there is a great merit in adhering to a cumulative tradition. It provides discipline and structure.

Even I have stated that I have become less religious and more spiritual over the years. By this I mean that I find myself less committed to a particular cumulative religious tradition and therefore I am more willing to jettison parts of the cumulative tradition when parts interfere with basic spiritual truths. I view the underlying faith as more important than the rules, rituals and beliefs, etc. In my early days I viewed my religion as an absolute manifestation of truth, now I see it merely as a vehicle of truth and so I am willing to treat it as secondary. It is natural that one eventually comes to the point of transcending one’s cumulative tradition and I have come to that point.

There are primarily two factors that have led to this shift of views. First and foremost is my academic background, particularly from my studies of comparative religion. It is simply impossible to maintain an absolutist’s position after studying the cumulative religious traditions of many religions. A study of this kind forces one to accept the relative nature of a religious culture. Second, in my life as a priest, I have come to understand the relativistic nature of religious culture. In working with a large congregation, a priest is constantly confronted with an endless variety of personal expressions of faith, from the most sophisticated and lofty to the most crude and superstitious. A priest continually has to modify the cumulative tradition to suit the needs of the individual or a given situation. So a priest soon comes to realize the non absolute nature of the cumulative tradition. I will always jettison tradition in favor of what best nurtures faith. I have learned that it is the underlying faith that is paramount and not the particular beliefs and practices. For me this has meant that even the basis for my own faith has shifted from scripture, which of course is a part of the cumulative religious tradition, and towards my internal “compass” of faith. Sacred writings are no longer absolute. They are a guide.

To return to the comments of our temple member who defined religion and spirituality in terms of other-worldliness. What our board member had in mind was a monk, an unmarried person, and a monk by definition is a person who is divorced from the world. Many religions indeed do have monks as priests, but many do not including Hinduism and there are many good reasons for this. Just look at the sexual scandals that have rocked the Roman Catholic Church for a vivid illustration. A priest with a spouse and a family necessarily has all the needs and concerns of the world and there is nothing inherently unspiritual about matter or the world. Everything depends on attitude.

Image taken from: http://brucesallan.com/index.php/mycolumn/404-money-money-money

Religious Fundamentalism

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Sometimes I see bumper stickers that read, “Jesus said it, it’s in the Bible, I accept it.” A statement of this type reflects many people’s attitude towards religious authority in this country.

There is a form of religious understanding called fundamentalism which involves the literal interpretation of scripture. So when the Old Testament says that God created the world in seven days, it literally means that the world was created in seven days in spite of what the geologic or fossil record may suggest. Similarly, when the New Testament describes how Jesus was born of the virgin Mary, it literally means that Mary was a virgin when she gave birth to Jesus in spite of what common experience tells us.

There is a famous fundamentalist in this country named Billy Graham, and I remember him being asked why he took the Bible so literally, even when it seemed to contradict reason and science. He said that when he accepted the Bible at face value, without questioning, it gave him great power. And indeed, he was right. When Billy Graham took his message of God to the people, in city after city, hundred of thousands of people would come to hear him. Billy Graham had the ear of the American presidency for decades. He was the spiritual guide to four American presidents. Even today President George W Bush is a “born again” fundamentalist’s Christian of the Billy Graham type. Be assured that religious fundamentalism is not just a Christian phenomena. There is Jewish, Islamic, and Hindu forms of religious fundamentalism. Krishna Consciousness is a form of Hindu fundamentalism, and just like its Christian counterpart, Krishna Consciousness is founded on the literal interpretation of scripture–in this case Hindu scripture. And like the Christians, who still accept the creationist’s interpretation of the Old Testament that life was created by God in seven days, so Hindu fundamentalism accepts a similar view of life based on a literal interpretation of Hindu scripture. And just as the followers of Billy Graham have experienced the emotional power of Christian fundamentalism, so I have experienced the power of Hindu fundamentalism. It is a most seductive power indeed!

There is a branch of philosophy known as epistemology that deals with how human beings acquire knowledge. Without going into details, there are three basic ways that human beings acquire knowledge: through sense perception, reasoning and aural reception. This last item, aural reception is what religious fundamentalism is founded on. Whatever is “heard” in scripture is taken as the most reliable means of knowing, usually to the exclusion of sense perception and reason. Unfortunately such an approach to knowing leads to anti intellectualism. What happens when knowledge obtained from sense perception and reasoning disagree with what is written in scripture? This was the situation during the time of Copernicus and Galileo.

Fundamentalists generally give the knowledge derived from scripture a higher authority than knowledge obtained through sense perception and reasoning. And so the common sensory and reasoned knowledge about this world is often rejected in favor of scriptural knowledge. In the last century there was a famous court case known as the Scope’s Monkey Trial where Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution was pitted against the fundamentalist’s reading of creationism found in the Bible. Even now a similar court case is being litigated in the state of Kansas to decide whether creationism can be taught in the state schools along side evolution. The Scope’s Monkey Trial continues! And believe me, just as Christian fundamentalists would ban evolution if they had their way in this country, so Krishna Consciousness would also ban evolution.

All religion, however, is not based on religious fundamentalism. In fact, most are not. The majority of mainstream religions in this country and elsewhere follow a reasonable balance of knowledge obtained from scriptural authority, sense perception and reasoning. But the alarming thing about this country is that even though most Americans are not religious fundamentalists, this branch of Christianity has become extremely well organized and has come to dominate government. Our president is a Christian fundamentalist and this is the reason why this country is so out of step with much the the world today. Christian fundamentalism holds this country in its grip.

And so on June 18, 1975, the day of my ISKCON initiation in Dallas, I officially joined the ranks of American fundamentalism, only it was of the Hindu variety. This lasted until June of 1986 when I became a Shri Vaishnava and finally joined the ranks of mainstream Hinduism. This is how I remain today.

Image taken from: http://the-mound-of-sound.blogspot.com/2011/07/disease-of-religious-fundamentalism.html

This is My Religion

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“Each time dawn appears, the mystery is there in its entirety.”*

 

In many places on this web site I have made reference to religion, beliefs and spirituality. There are pages and pages of discussion, but ultimately I am a believer in brevity. If a person cannot state his views on a given subject in a simple and concise statement, it suggests that he has not yet maturely formulated his ideas. So here is my statement on religion. It came to me during my recent meditation in Notre Dame, Paris.

When I sit in a Notre Dame I put myself into contact with what I call “the Mystery.” I sometimes think of this mystery as “the More,” “the Higher,” or even “the Beauty.” I use all flavors of words, but within my being I know that a “more” exists and I clearly see it around me at all times. I see it in a sunset, in a cloud, in the ocean or even when a jet plane gracefully rises from the ground. What a wonder that such a massive thing can fly! My perception of this mystery is not a question of faith or belief. It is what I know. There is a mystery. A cathedral like Notre Dame is a place that is conducive to revealing this mystery. Every carving, every arch and every piece of stained glass speaks in the language of metaphor that points towards the mystery. The loftiness of its ceilings pulls my heart and mind towards heaven and so my presence in a place like this is my way of reaching out and touching the mystery, if only for a few moments. But I also see this mystery on a crowded bus, in a busy street or on a fast moving train. I see it everywhere, but somehow a glorious building like Notre Dame, with its grandeur and stillness, most easily opens my eyes to this wonder. So I come here.

Anna, you are a goddess, does a muse ever need to look up at times and ponder the mystery of life?

*Rene Daumal (1908-1944), French poet, critic

Image taken from: http://projectvisual.net/2009/02/inside-notre-dame-cathedral/

Love and Devotion

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On the altars of many Hindu temples there may be little swing with a sacred image of Krishna. He may be only two inches tall and He is sitting, holding a tiny piece of butter. This pose is known as Makhan Chor, the Butter Thief. Krishna is famous for stealing butter in His childhood. Even today the elderly Hindu ladies come into temples and gently give the swing a push. They bring small pieces of candies and little toys like jacks and kites for Krishna. I often see them pushing this swing with tears in their eyes. It is a marvel. What is happening? Can you guess?

These elderly ladies, who so lovingly push the swing of Krishna, have accepted Krishna as their own child and they experience the “taste” of being Krishna’s mother. This is vatsalya-rasa. They have taken the ordinary taste of the parental mood, which all parents experience, and “spiritualized” this feeling by making God their child! Even many Christian saints do this. Some orders of nuns, when they accept their vows, marry Jesus. They take the worldly taste of conjugal love and transfer it to God, by marrying Jesus. This is shringara-rasa. In Islam many sufi saints also marry themselves to God. So all of these rasas, the tastes we experience in our ordinary lives, may also be experienced spiritually by making God the friend, the child, the lover, and so on. Knowledge of rasa is the doorway to mysticism.

What is the difference between a learned ganika (courtesan) and a learned priest. You would think that these two occupations could not be further apart. They are both knowers of rasa. Both study the Kama Shastra, only one focuses on material tastes and the other on spiritual tastes.

All through my late teens and early twenties I would attend church on Christmas Eve. I like old buildings, especially stone ones, and Toronto is a city graced with an abundance of old stone churches. I would go to the downtown Krishna Temple in the evening and then on the way home attend a Christmas midnight service at one of these old cathedrals. Years earlier my parents had to drag me to church, but now it was my choice to attend these midnight communion services. I enjoyed these services immensely–sitting in the pew looking at the stain glass images and listening to the Christmas music. The taste that enveloped me bordered on the mystical. I experienced a religious taste, the mood of love and devotion. Anna, it is a pleasing taste indeed.

So here is what is good about Krishna Consciousness. Krishna Consciousness can deliver the taste of love and devotion, I came to Krishna Consciousness and I stayed in Krishna Consciousness solely because of this taste. As I sat in the church during Christmas Eve or when I sat in the temple listening to the devotional songs and chanting I received this overwhelming taste of love and devotion. My outburst of mad laughter when I first visited the temple, which I told you about, was also the result of tasting this feeling of love and devotion. But I must warn you, if you ever taste this rasa of love and devotion, beware it could ruin your life. Such tastes of devotion far overshadow anything that you can taste in this physical world, even parakiya shringara love. Once you have tasted this rasa of love and devotion you will never again be satisfied with the ordinary tastes of this world. Such tastes of spiritual love and devotion come at a great cost.

Image Source: http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/zv8fUhakKSawCrR3A26lPw

Out of Body

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I was deeply interested in meditation as a teenager. This interest was partly inspired by an out-of-the-body experience I had as a child. I must have been six years of age when I remember being sick. In those days it was common for a doctor to come to your home if you were ill. This is unheard of today. I recall lying in bed with a fever. Our family doctor was there along with my mother and father. The doctor was listening to my heart when suddenly I felt a snap in my mind and to my bewilderment I found myself floating above the room looking down on the scene. The room had a golden and warm light about it and the colors were absolutely vibrant.

I was confused and at first I did not recognize the person laying in bed. I recognized my parents and my doctor, but it took some time to figure out who the person in bed was. It was me! It is like hearing your voice on a tape recorder for the first time. You do not recognize your own sound. I do not recall how long this out-of-the-body experience lasted, but when it ended I felt myself pulled into darkness and I was suddenly conscious in my body again. My doctor and my parents were looking down on me. I felt terrible, cold and heavy. The room was no longer filled with that golden light. Being out of the body was a wonderful experience whereas being in a body was depressing.

This experience as a young child had a powerful impact on me and later as a teenager I heard about out-of-the-body experiences in a theosophy magazine. My aunt, who was Ukrainian, had signed me up for the magazine of the Theosophy Society. It was there I became interested in out of body experiences and astral travel. I used to try to meditate and move my consciousness out of my body, but it was impossible. I could never get myself to repeat the experience I had as a child.

Since that time I have had only one other out of body experience. I must have been 16. One evening as I was sitting on a park bench near my parent’s home I suddenly felt that strong snap in my mind again. In an instant I was standing looking down at myself. Like the first time I did not immediately recognize who I was looking at. In my physical body the light was subdued as night was falling, but out of the body everything was bright and clear with a distinctively golden hue. The colors were vibrant. Once I got over the initial shock, I was not scared at all. I stood there looking around the park and I felt that my head could rotate 360 degrees! In fact I could see in all directions at the same time. My head felt that it was totally separate from by body. I enjoyed this experience immensely. Then suddenly it became dark and I was sitting on the park bench again. That was a terrible feeling. The body is heavy and slow. Seeing through physical eyes, the world is dull and lifeless.

To date these are the only two out of body experiences I have had. Were they real? To me they certainly were. Can I prove they actually occurred? No. Can I repeat this experiences? No. But having had these experiences, does make me wonder if there is not more to life than meets the eye!


Meeting Krishna For the First Time

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The climate’s delicate, the air most sweet, Fertile the isle, the temple much surpassing. The common praise it bears.*

 

 

During my summer in the Northern Ontario bush I made a friend, although I can not for the life of me remember his name. Even though I only knew this youth for a few weeks in the Sultan camp, he had a powerful impact me. Perhaps his sole purpose was to deliver me to Krishna. This was the same friend who was going to ride with me from Winnipeg to Toronto by touring bike, until my father intervened. This youth was unlike the rest of us in Sultan. We lived in the suburbs. He lived in the city. We were suburban kids. He was a city kid. In those days my parents had never allowed me to venture into the downtown area of the city, This friend became my gateway to downtown Toronto and to Krishna Consciousness.

During our time in Sultan we had many talks about philosophy and spirituality. The topic of Krishna always came up, so we both resolved to meet the Hare Krishna people as soon as we returned to Toronto. He had actually seen the Krishnas chanting and dancing on the streets. I had not. Within a week after returning to the city we paid a visit to the Krishna temple. Without the help of this friend I would never have ventured into the downtown. The temple was not in a good part of the city. It was in skid roe, the alcoholic’s area.

We arrived at the Krishna temple on a Friday evening in September of 1969. The devotees were hosting a program of chanting, lecture and dinner for new people. Anna, unless you have been to India or have visited a Hindu temple it is difficult to describe what one sees. There is the overwhelming smell of incense, the ringing of bells, the blowing of conch shells and the sound of Sanskrit chanting. In this temple I saw many young men with shaven heads and “paint” on their foreheads and noses The paint is actually a sectarian religious mark made from clay. The ladies wore Indian saris and ankle bells. The worship area was a well lit room with a wooden floor and an altar that covered the whole front of the room. The altar space was separated from the rest of the room by a marble floor and a rope that blocked visitors from walking onto the altar. Priests alone were allowed on the the altar. There was an assortment of Hindu Gods in the form of wooden, metal and stone images. On all sides of the room hung the pictures of scores of Hindu Gods supporting hundreds of heads and arms and legs. It was an overwhelming sight. My friend and I sat through the evening and listened to a Bhagavad Gita class. We even tried a little chanting, and afterward shared an Indian vegetarian meal that the devotees called prasada, God’s grace.

But the most incredible thing about this evening was not what happened inside the temple, but what happened outside as I left. The second I stepped outside of the temple I fell into a fit of uncontrollable laughter! I was so beside myself that I could not stand. I literally fell to the ground and laughed tears of joy. I laughed and laughed and laughed. My friend was totally taken aback by such madness and desperately tried help me find composure. My outburst must have lasted fifteen minutes. Anna, I am not an emotional person and such public displays of emotion almost never occur in my life. But this feeling was all consuming. Like the joy of meeting an old friend after many years, I felt complete and utter abandonment. Something deep within me had ignited and my life was forever changed. I have never forgotten these intense feelings of joy.

*William Shakespeare. The Winter’s Tale.