My Creative Process

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When I want to write something I sit down and try to think about what to write. At first the process is slow and hard and mechanical, but there comes a point when I enter into a state of heightened consciousness. This is were ideas begin to come to the surface. Things start to flow easily. This state of consciousness can even “thicken” into an intense state of meditation.

In this state ideas and energies bubble up from my unconsciousness. This state can last for days and even weeks on end, and even though I am walking, eating, and doing whatever I need to do, I am in this creative state of complete focus. This state is extremely enjoyable to me, and when I lose this state of consciousness, I become depressed and lost.

My greatest struggle in life is to balance my need to work, make money and live in the world with my need to go inward and find this creative state of mind. In some way if would be better had I never “tasted” the joy of this creative state, but because I know the joy of creativity I am driven to constantly seek it. Hence my struggle and frustration. As far a talent is concerned, I have very little talent to write, but what I do have is bull headed determination and the capacity for hard work. So this is my real talent.

**Illustration by Lalita © 2005

Writing

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“Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind.” *

In a work outlining the psychology of art and the creative process the issue is raised whether writing was more the result of inspiration or hard work. I came across the following statement, “What precedes inspiration?–A slow period wherein the subconscious mind takes hold of the subject matter.” My comments are in response to this statement.

For me writing is ninety percent hard work and ten percent inspiration. Writing is like a woman with whom I have a great passion. I will do anything to satisfy her, and when she calls me to sit before her I respond. Only writing cools the passion that I have for her. She is both my curse and my blessing. If I did not have this burning passion for her I could live a normal life. I could sleep at night; I could take holidays; I could spend time with my family.

I could be a person. Instead, every moment of my life is consumed with how to satisfy her. She drives me into solitude; She squeezes every drop from me and turns it into a word. But then she gives forth and bares a wonderful fruit for me and a great ecstasy develops within the mind. I love her and I can never leave her.

Writing is a state of mind. It is my meditation. When I write I work for just a few hours and then spend some time to allow my sub conscious mind to “chew away” at the issues. Long japa walks are essential for the creative process. Japa shuts down the conscious mind and allows the sub conscious to take charge. As strange as it may seem motorcycle riding aids the creative process. I used to take long rides into the desert to work out the issues at hand. There is a rhythm that develops when I write. It is a slow “clicking” of the mind, a tap tap tap of consciousness as the mind works its way through the creative process. A great ecstasy flows out of from this slow metering out of consciousness. I seek solitude to achieve and maintain this state of consciousness.

I live in two worlds. As a priest my life is outward; as a writer my life is inward and it is a torture to move between these two worlds. Sometimes I boarder on madness as I struggle to balance these two worlds.

 

 

* Catherine Drinker Bowen

Uffizi Museum in Florence

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Venus of Urbino, Titian

This was my second trip to Florence and so I will not repeat what has already been said. The highlight and main purpose of this trip was the Uffizi museum. Within the walls of the Uffizi, you can view many of the masterpieces of Italian art in one of the world’s greatest public museums.

The museum includes a fantastic collection of Italian painting, along with a large collection of classical Roman Sculpture. There are important collections of drawings and northern European painting, among others. The

The Birth of Venus, Botticelli

main problem with this museum is that the authorities do not allow photography of any kind and therefore I have no personal photographs to show. Inside you are greeted by marble floors and halls flooded with light from the facing windows. The sculpture collection is housed along the main corridors that run the length of the building. The main collection includes works by Giotto, Massaccio, Filippo Lippi, Botticelli, da Vinci, Bellini, Giorgione, Titian, Michalangelo, Raphael, and just about every great Italian artist through the 18th century. The core of the collection is from the Medici court. I am told that the collection has remained intact with few changes over the centuries. Viewing it as you move from room to room is like watching the history of Italian art unfold before your eyes. The Uffizi collection is a concentrated educational experience. When I studied art history in college much of what I saw in books and on slides was from this wonderful museum and now to see these things for real is a tremendous experience. For the lover of art history, the Uffizi is an essential destination. It is worth coming to Florence just for this purpose.

The big problem with going to any of these places whether they be the Louvre, D’ Orsay, Uffizi or the Vatican Museum is that it is simply not possible to know enough about what one is looking at. This time at the Uffizi, as I did in the Musee d’ Orsay and in Versailles, I paid a little extra and bought the audio self-tour, which I recommend, but even with the audio tour, I am still left with the feeling, “I do not know what I am seeing, I just know it is good.” However, I suppose if I only get to this point of art appreciation in this life it is a worthy accomplishment. Going to these famous museums is actually an adventure in aesthetics.

So much of my life is consumed by the mediocre, the routines of life, and so an opportunity to spend just a few moments in the presence of such world class art brings light into my heart. To have beauty in ones life makes the difference between mere animal life and human life.

I actually think coming to Florence during September/October was a better time to come. In summer the heat is unbearable and even the river that runs through Florence is down to a paltry trickle. Last year in October it had a healthy and clean flow. In fact, I think summer is not a good time to come to Europe unless, of course, the beach is on your agenda. Summer is just not a good time to see the sights, but if this is the only time you have, it is still worth coming.

To My Readers

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Thine aid, O Muse, I consciously beseech; I crave thy succour, ask for thine assistance
That men may cry: “Some little ode! A peach!” O Muse, grant me the strength to go the distance!*

To my readers,

I started creating these memoirs in 2003 and for over a year I kept them private. Then, as a trial, I sent a few installments to some of my children and friends.

**Polyhymnia

The response was overwhelming, “Send us more! Don’t keep this private. We need to read them now.” So with this in mind I have decided to publish my writings on this website for all to see. Regularly, I am adding new installments and you are invited to add comments.

Many of these installments are written as a letter to Annie or Anna. Who is Annie? There is not an easy answer to this question. Annie could be a real person, a feeling I have in my mind, a literary device, or perhaps all three, but in any case, I have found that my writings flow better when I address them in the form of a letter to my Annie. Therefore, Annie is my muse.

At present these installments are not in any particular order, chronological or otherwise. I am just writing them as they come to me. Perhaps one day I will arrange and edit them into a final form, but in the meantime they are presented, more or less, in the order they were written.

 

 

*From “An Ode In Time of Inauguration” by Franklin P. Adams, 1913

**Image taken from http://ourgreekmuseum.wikispaces.com/Religion+of+Ancient+Greece. Polyhymnia is one of the nine muses in Greek Mythology. She patronizes poetry and sacred song. Polyhymnia gives the divine gift of poetry and the art of speaking. She is the power of speech that can inspire and soothe and yet can also hurt and cause great suffering. Her power inspires one to seek the ways of truth.

My Theory of Art

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“Art requires philosophy, just as philosophy requires art. Otherwise, what would become of beauty?”*

I went to the Musee D’Orsey in Paris to see my Manet, Monet and Renoir and the rest of the Impressionists I have been studying for the last months. To my sheer delight the museum was also holding a special exhibition of impressionist’s paintings from other parts of the world. Many artists that I had only seen on DVD, and never expected to see, were on display in this most wonderful of museums. The exhibition was called, “From Cezanne to Picasso, Masterpieces from the Vollard Gallery” and it showed paintings that were originally collected and sold by a famous art dealer in the 19th century,

Olympia. 1863 Edouard Manet. Musee d'Orsay, Paris, France

Ambroise Vollard (1866-1939). Here in Paris, not only did I get to see the regular painting of the D’Orsey, but also paintings from museums all over the world: London, New York, Rome, Washington, St Petersburg, Chicago, and even Prague and Frankfurt. What can I say? To have studied the art in advance and then to see the painting itself is the most satisfying of all experiences! This world is full of so much beauty; and in the hallways of the world greatest museums one can walk for an eternity past painting after painting, but at least here in the D’Orsey, I am trying to walk past some of it with trained eyes.

As I sat in the D’Orsey and then later in the Louvre, I asked myself why are these paintings here? Are they good art? What constitutes good art and what is beauty? This exhibition has taught me something valuable: that there was much more to art than just the paintings. There are the painters and the times in which they lived, their hopes and desires and needs.

Ambroise Vollard 1866-1939 Pierre-Auguste Renoir

And then there are the kings, the queens, the churches, the wealthy merchants and the art buying public who made it possible for these artists to live and work. In the case of these French Impressionists it was the art dealers and the art buying public that supported them.

The exhibition was as much about the art dealer, Amborise Vollard as it was about Cezanne and Picasso and the others. Without Vollard’s passion to collect art, and ultimately his desire for money, many of theses Impressionists would have remained common street painters. Picasso and Cezanne did not start out being Picasso or Cezanne. Dealers like Vollard “discovered,” encouraged and financed them. It was Vollard who brought many of these painters into the world’s spotlight. A lot of what puts paintings into museums are the patrons, the kings and queens, the merchants and the dealers, who desire to promote the art and the artists. What constitutes good art is often more controlled by fashion, politics, economics and good luck than pure aesthetics. As I walked though these museums, I began to ask myself, would I buy these painting if I had the means? Do I like this art? Would I hang that particular painting on my wall? And the answer in many cases is no! Monet has become world famous and his paintings, just by reason of his name, bring handsome fortunes regardless of the artistic merit, but Monet was a man and I am sure he had “ bad painting days” and yet some of that art is hanging on the walls of the D’ Orsey. In spite of this I still hear the crowds of viewers gasping “ooh ah” in appreciation. The same can be said of Picasso and every other artist. They all had their off days.

Boy in a Red Waistcoat.1888-1890 Paul Cezanne. Barnes Foundation, Lincoln University, Philadelphia, PA, USA

The first time I confronted the Monalisa I just saluted and walked by. I had no patience to endure the crowds. This time, in spite of the crowd, I sat before this work and studied it as closely as I could. The world comes to the door of the Monalisa and bows its head in awe, but is the painting good art? Or is the fame of this painting just the marketing of the skillful dealers of the day who desired money? As I gazed upon this painting and looked into the eyes of the Monalisa I came to see that indeed this painting does touch something deep within me. There is such a thing as good art. There is something universal and positive about beauty; it is not simply the cessation of chaos. There is good art, and the closer a painter can come to capturing this “something,” the universals that we construe as beauty, the better the chances are the art will pass the test of time and history and find its place onto one of the hallways of the world’s museums. So I believe there is good art and that good art does transcends the fashions, politics and economics of its time.

I also decided that I want more of this art in my life, so I plan to buy a few pieces. I want to “discover” my own Renoir and Manet in the streets of the world, and so now each time I look at a painting I ask,

Do I like it? Does it have beauty? Do I want it hanging in my home? And, can I afford it? These are practical questions that every “Monet” “Picasso” and “Cezanne” has to be judged by. And now I, as a new member of the art buying public, am trying to discern art with educated eyes. I have begun to search for the universals that may be hidden within a painting that I see on the streets of Monmartre or Rome or anywhere else.

 

*Paul Gauguin (1848-1903), French artist.

My Strategy to Buy Art

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Paris Street, Rainy Day, 1877, Gustave Caillebotte

A painting is good not because it looks like something, but because it feels like something.*

Every great work of art has two faces, one toward its own time and one toward the future, toward eternity.**

 

These days I am reading Canterbury Tales. Years ago, in high school, this was required reading, but at that time I could not appreciate Chaucer. He was notorious. Now I marvel at the beauty, depth and eloquence of his writing. Just the first eighteen lines of the Tales, the first sentence, is an amazing composition! The sound of the words, the mixture of middle english, french and latin, and even the humor are wonderful. What I could not appreciate then, I am appreciating now. My aesthetic tastes have changed.

In a previous installment I concluded that the appreciation of beauty was a subjective experience and I still hold this to be true. Having said this, there are factors that distinguish ‘good’ art from ‘poor’ art. There are objective factors that make art art. What is it that makes Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales a work of lasting beauty while some other piece of writing is lost in oblivion? Why is it that I often listen to a piece of music and initially enjoy it but then quickly loose interest, and yet another piece of music that I initially dislike gradually begins to ‘grow’ on me? Why do I like certain things and yet dislike other things. There is more to this than mere subjectivity. I have on my shelve works on design, color theory, composition and tone, all tools used by painters, musicians and writers to produce objects of beauty.

I am looking at a huge painting by an impressionist artist, Gustave Caillebotte, entitled Paris Street, Rainy Day. What is interesting about this painting is that it is modeled after photography. It has depth of field. It is as if the “camera” of this painting is focused on the middle ground so both the foreground and the background are slightly out of focus. In fact, the farther one looks into the distance of the painting the more out of focus it becomes, just as happens with a camera or the human eye. If you stand before this painting you suddenly feel that you are standing in the streets of Paris! This masterpiece has an uncanny power to place the viewer into the street scene, and if one has been to Paris your imagination comes alive and you begin to smell, taste and feel Paris. We also know that this painting went through hundreds of pre painting renderings before the final version was made. This is the same with every other famous work of art, piece of literature or music. We even know that Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales had many workings. Very little art comes as a result of spontaneous inspiration. Every great work is the result of a huge amount of labor with just a touch of inspiration. Principles of design, color, sound, grammar and composition are always employed. Art is not random or unplanned. It is highly conscious. And the more learned and conscious the viewer is the higher the level of appreciation.

The other day I was listening to a piece of music that I had recently acquired. My habit is that if I am interested in some music I listen to it dozens and even hundreds of times and gradually “learn” the music. Each listening takes me deeper into the piece, but if boredom sets in after a few sessions it means the music lacks substance. Good music holds my attention. As I listened to this particular piece of music, not only did it hold my attention, it dawned on me that it was utterly beautiful! I suddenly felt a rush of enjoyment, my hair stood on end and tears came to my eyes as a listened. This music was having a profound emotional effect on me, and yet I know little about music. Very good music not only has staying power, it also has the power to evoke an emotional response. It occurred to me that viewing a painting is no different than listening to music. I do not need to know everything about art before I can enjoy and even purchase art. The real criterion for judging a painting is the same as listening to music: Does the painting have holding power and can it evoke an emotional response in me? Making judgments about music is my second nature. Buying music is never a problem, so if I can do this with music I can do it with paintings. The main difference of course is that music is inexpensive while paintings are expensive. We buy copies of music, not the original master, whereas we are talking of purchasing an original painting, not a copy. If I purchase a painting that at first seems good, but in the end does not at least have staying power, not to mention the ability to evoke an emotional response, then the loss can be great. The stakes are higher. My taste in music has developed over years, while my taste in painting is still immature. So I will continue to study and look at as many paintings as possible and then gradually, as my experience and tastes mature, my “Chauser” or “Caillebotte” will one day appear. In the meantime why not purchase a few copies of master paintings as we do music?

*Phil Dike
**Daniel Barenboim

iPhone in Europe

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July 26th, 09, London

There is a brand of “smart” phone called an iphone that I am currently using here in Europe. These devices are not phones at all. They are mini computers and I can not tell you how wonderful they are while traveling. I hope my data package does its job because I have been using it a lot. Not only in calling, but also for text, email, music, photos and even internet searches. These phone has become my closest companion and my link to home. Here I have only a slow data network (EDGE). Faster phones and networks are in the works so I can only imagine how this will work with a faster network, GPS and other features that are coming. It is also amazing to watch this phone automatically change networks as I move around. Europeans use their phones much more than Americans because of this. My phone can even downloaded a youtube movies while I walk in the streets or ride in the underground! In the future when some reads this I am sure they will smile, but this is cutting edge technology at this point in history. And remember when I was born television had only started and even then it was only black and white. North America seems to be using more WiFi networks. Here the cellular network is king. The iphone takes this a step further because of its ease of use and large high quality screen. I have no doubt developed what is a bad habit. In order to tolerate the crowd and spend more time in a museum I have found that if I use a set of “earbuds” I can shut out the world and spend a lot more time in a museum European trance music is ideal for this. Just plug in and charge ahead into samadhi. LOL

Asceticism

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As you know Hinduism teaches that each of us has lived for many lifetimes. This, of course, is the cycle of birth and death, and the process of moving from one lifetime to the next is called reincarnation. This you know. In Sanskrit this cycle of birth and death is called samsara. The breaking of this cycle of samsara is called liberation or in Sanskrit, moksha. There is another word that you may have heard called nirvana. Literally nirvana means extinguishing. When a yogi is able extinguish his life in this world we say he has attained nirvana. Buddhism also uses the term nirvana.

The reason the soul is attached to this physical world and therefore caught in this cycle of birth and death is due to its desire to enjoy this world. We are bound by our desires. So the theory suggests, if you stop desiring to enjoy this world you can become released from this world. Now the question arises, how to stop desire? There are many answers to this question, but one of the more common answers is called asceticism. One dictionary defines asceticism as “the doctrine that through renunciation of worldly pleasures it is possible to achieve a high spiritual or intellectual state.” Not only Hinduism, but many religions accept this idea in whole or part.

Hinduism is not a single religious tradition, but a conglomeration of many strains. However, it is true to say that asceticism is a major component of many of these Hindu strains. Although it took me many years to understand the larger context, the Hare Krishna movement is a form of Vaishnavism (the worship of Vishnu) and it is highly influenced by the practice of asceticism. The idea behind asceticism is that if a person can control the senses by not engaging the senses with their sense objects, the taste for such engagement will eventually go away. If, for example, a person is addicted to smoking, but can avoid smoking, then gradually the need to smoke will eventually melt away. Sometimes the need to enjoy this world is compared to having a mosquito bite. At first the bite itches just a bit, but if you scratch it to relieve the itch, the itch will just increase. The more you scratch, the more it will itch. So in the same way, satisfying the itch to enjoy the material world just leads to a stronger desire to enjoy this world. And, of course, the more we desire to try to enjoy this world, the more we become bound to this world. Therefore asceticism demands that we stop trying to enjoy the world.

In Sanskrit the word used to disengage one’s self from worldly involvement is called nirvriti. Vriti means to turn, nir-vriti means to stop turning. Therefore, the path of asceticism is the path of nirvriti, stopping the turning of the world–the shutting down of life. The opposite path is call pravriti. The prefix pra means to increase, therefore pravriti means to increase the turning of life. I think it is fair to say that ordinary life, especially as it is practiced in our modern secular world, is the path of pravriti. Religious traditions that promote practices such as fasting during lent or ramadan, for example, are promoting the path of nirvriti. Fasting is an ascetic practice.

Most religions have some degree asceticism or nirviti practice built into them. Some more than others. To a certain extent the current struggle between the West and Islam is a clash of the paths of pravriti and nivriti.

Turning to the matter of sex and love it is clear that most religions have trouble in dealing with these basic aspects of life. Sex, of course is a matter that involves great desire and great attachment. Sex is the quintessential driving force of pravriti. “Love makes the world go around” is a famous expression. It is indeed true. So how then to deal with sex and love? According to the principles of asceticism sex must be stopped completely or, if this can not be done, it must be limited, regulated and controlled. This is what marriage is about. Taken to a more serious level, this is what celibacy is about. Anna, I hope you now have a better idea of how asceticism relates to spirituality.

The Path of Excess

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I personally find all this discussion about pravriti and nirvriti to be boring and so I am eager to get on with the specifics of my story. However, without some understanding of the rationale behind asceticism and renunciation you may not be able to appreciate the specifics of my story. I do not want you to simply dismiss the decisions that I made in my early spiritual journey as ridiculous or foolish without at least realizing there was some “logic behind the madness.” And even today the decisions that I continue to make in my spiritual jouney is informed by my experiences with asceticism. A mature religious system has a balanced blend of worldly engagement and worldly denial (nirvriti and pravriti). I have told you before that the full name for Krishna consciousness is the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON). Well this name was a misnomer. It should have been named the International Order of Asceticism for Krishna Consciousness. That would have been honest. There was no society. There was no place for children or family life in this order.

Let me mention a few particulars of the Krishna Conscious lifestyle in those days. Life was divided into four stages (I won’t burden you with the Sanskrit terms): student life, married life, retired life and renounced life. Sex was allowed only in married life, which seems reasonable except when you learn that married couples were only allowed to have sex for procreation. Contraception was banned. And now you know why I had nine kids. In student life–no, in any stage of life, the spilling of seed was considered wasteful and always discouraged. Dating was also not allowed. All marriages were arranged, at least that was the ideal. Sex and love were not allowed to be factors in marriage selection. In fact it was good for your spiritual life if you had a wife that you did not love. It meant that you would not be become attached. If you wanted to meet a woman you almost had to marry her first! In Sanskrit the word used for celibacy was brahmacharya. Literally brahmacharya means “following the way of brahma” and brahma means God.

Anna, my muse, I am having an extremely a hard time writing to you about this part of my life. I put my heart and soul into these matters and at the time it made sense, but now, seeing through your eyes, I know that none of this can ever make sense. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. I remember having to sneak off to see a movie in a theater house, or having to hide a TV so that no one would know. I even remember a time I went to a friend’s house, pulled down the blinds, and covertly baked and devoured bread, and we did it with deviant lust! Bread was a banned substance in those days!

I have friends who lived through years of this lifestyle and we talk about these matters and laugh, but we also understand why we did it. But how can someone who has never tasted the ascetic’s world ever understand. I think a nun or a monk could understand. Most people just sit around and talk philosophy, well Anna, I did not just talk, I lived the philosophy. Robert Blake is famous for the statement, “The path of excess leads to the tower of wisdom.” There is indeed truth in this statement. I have lived that path of excess, the excess of deprivation.

Taste

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By Paul Bond

I have told you many negative things about Krishna Consciousness and I am sorry to say there is more to come. So you may wonder why I would stay so many years. But Krishna Consciousness has another side, an extremely joyful side, and this is the reason I remained involved so long. Do you recall the outburst of uncontrollable laughter that I described during my first visit to the temple? It was a feeling of tremendous joy and freedom and one that I will never forget. I was immediately attracted to that feeling. And so I wanted more of it. I had experienced what can only be described as a “taste.” I am sure the word taste must seem odd, but it is rooted in one branch of philosophy known as aesthetics. Taken directly from the dictionary aesthetics is “the branch of philosophy dealing with beauty and taste.” It is a translation of the Sanskrit word rasa. Krishna Consciousness is full of rasa, but at a price.