February, 10, 1987 Tirumala

Now I have seen God, Shri Venkateshvara (Balaji). Truely a sight of aishwarya. I have to admit that I prefer aishwarya to madhurya. It’s so fantastic inside this temple. This is what I expect to see and feel like when I go to a place of pilgrimage. Vrindavan just does not fill that need for religious grandeur and mysticism. Ascending the hill is like ascending to heaven. The view is spectucular. Today we spent 7 hours on the train and 3 and a half hours on buses. I was only able to eat two peanut butter sandwiches. I am exhausted, but the trip was successful. As soon as possible I will leave Gaur Keshava and go to Vrindavan. I want to travel alone to get that experience and confidence. Plus I want to see Shri Vatsa Goswami and Vishwambara and Bhurijan and Toshan in Vrindavan. I cannot justify spending a week in sun and surf in Kovalam. It’s a waste of time. If I go to Vrindavan I can get some work done and do some sadhan and get some rest as well. I want to be alone now.